CHAPTER NINE: I SHOULD KNOW
I told Delores I sleep in a freezer. That was not entirely true. I was trying to get a reaction out of her. Instead, she never raised an eyebrow about it. Although, the cold air is essential to our healing process, not all vampires sleep in crypts or whatever cold, damp place they can find. We are not the stereo-type from the movies. We are not all monsters. We are not all gruesome and blood-thirsty. We are people. We hurt, we cry, we feel emotions, and we do what we have to do to survive; to stay alive or some variation of that word. We are a race. And, just like any race, we are different, yet the same. Some of us were conceived naturally. Born with the genetic chromosomes that gives us this cursed gift. Some of us were simply created for a more sinister use in this life. Those of the creation lose all of their humanity. Their soul is no longer in place. They do not have any control over their existence. They do whatever it takes to survive. They do not think of the needs of others. They do not feel the coldness running through their veins. They are what they are. I should know.
Vampires are capable of almost anything. Those of us naturally born possess human emotions. Some of us turn off those emotions out of fear of being bound to a world of loss, resentment, confusion, or imprisonment of our very existence. Emotions are for those who do not expect to live as long as I have. Being immortal is not as glamorous as it may seem. Feelings of hurt, regret, loneliness, and betrayal will eat away at you for hundreds and maybe thousands of years. We turn off our emotions as a survival instinct. Damage like that will cause anyone to breakdown and fall to pieces. Un-dead or alive. You become a prisoner in your own mind. I should know.
Emotions are not just a feeling about any certain thing. It is our cryptonite. It is a deadly force that overpowers even the strongest of the strong. It compels you to make irrational decisions and choices you will soon regret. Emotions makes us feel human, but it does not make us invincible. It takes a lifetime to learn how to take control of what makes you, you. But, it only takes a moment to lose everything because of you. I should know.
Being what I am gives me plenty of time to dwell on the past. I think about what I should have done differently, but that is just wishful thinking. The past is what it is, and it always has a way of coming back to haunt you. But, it is a nightmare we create for ourselves. It is not anything we can positively blame on someone else. Although an unhealthy dose of self-pontification is the easiest way to deal with any situation, it is just not the smartest. We can choose to acknowledge or mistakes, try to fix them, and move on, or we can claim stupidity and misuse yet another gift from God. Most of the time we can fix a mistake, but stupidity is an unstoppable force. There is absolutely nothing anyone can do to fix stupid. I should know.
The past is a vampire's curse because we have so much more of it. The past is always there. It's always lurking on the edge of your sanity, waiting to take you over the edge into non-existence, daring you to jump. It is powerful force, and you put it there. You made the decisions, and everything in your past is the consequence of them. I should know.
Most people know they have a true ending to this life. Seventy-two years is a long time, but the end is always in sight. I have searched for my end. I have tried to gain some perspective on how I am suppose to just keep being. I have been here too long. Death does not come easily for those like me. I cannot stand out in the sun and wait for the sweet relief of being caught up in the wind. I cannot drive a stake through my heart and expect a cure-all for my pain. I cannot commit suicide and expect my body not to heal, bringing me back to suffocate all over again. My existence is lonely, and the knowledge of that loneliness is what drives you to insanity. I should know.
A long time ago a friend asked me, "Is it possible to know something? And, is what we know real knowledge?" I believe our knowledge develops in our mind from the experience of what we face. Everyone's knowledge of one particular thing is not always the same. What does not work for one may work for another. I believe knowledge comes from our inner being. Who we are, what we are, how we live, and when we accept the responsibility of our domain is when knowledge proves to become a part of our psyche. We learn to adapt to our surroundings according to who we are. To expect everyone to agree on the same thing is to not evolve. This is why some of us accept things the way they are and others question what they do not understand. This is what separates us from true knowledge. True understanding. Do we take everything at face value, or do we challenge our minds to gain more information giving us the opportunity to make informative and sound decisions? We have to know what we are capable of, and we have to know our limits. Everyone is not destined for the same future. Everyone is not genetically designed to be great. Everyone is not cut from the same cloth. I believe knowing who you are, trusting in your instincts, and allowing yourself to learn and explore new things is where true knowledge begins. It is your knowledge. It is your free will. It is your choice in how you live and what you believe in. Knowledge is a powerful weapon, but stupidity knows no bounds. I should know.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Friday, September 5, 2014
THE LIFE: CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER EIGHT: ONE AND THE SAME
Once the ship set sail, I realized I had no idea where it was sailing to. The mystery woman persuaded a man who worked on deck to see to it that we could sleep somewhere with no windows. He happily obliged her. When we made it to what was called our stateroom, I was thankful for the darkness and the cold. I was still uneasy about the mystery woman. It was strange of her to be willing to sleep in a place that the rats didn't seem to want to be in. She was very persuasive, and was able to talk sweetness out of sugar. I had a feeling by the time we got to where we were going, she was going to owe a lot of people a lot of favors. I watched her, as she closed the door behind us, sat her bags down and locked the door.
"Ma'am, I am much obliged to you for taking me on like this, but you gotta know, I can't pay you nothing." I was ashamed and felt guilty for having to be a burden to her.
She looked at me with a slight grin. "Miss Emma, I ain't asking you fo' no money. I's just here to help you. That's all." She began sifting through her things, searching for something.
"But, why you wanna help me? I ain't no body special. 'Sides, I never seen no white woman help no colored person no way."
She gave a hearty laugh, as she sat next to me on one of the tiny cot in the small room and rested her bag in her lap. "Child, you look at me and think I be a white woman? My daddy was white, my momma is Haitian Creole. I guess that be what give me my color, but it don't make me white. You ain't white, is ya?" She was smiling at my ignorance. "I helps you because we family." She looked at me and gave a wink.
"We be kin? But, my family is dead. No blood to speak of."
"Beg pardon?" She looked surprised that I would say such a thing.
I was afraid to look up at her, so I spoke again with my head hanging as low as possible. "Just that, when I first laid eyes on you, I thought I knew you from somewhere. You got them familiar eyes, as my mamma use to say."
She started to laugh softly. "Miss Emma, look at me." She placed her hand under my chin and gave a slight lift. I looked into her eyes and she met my gaze. "We not kin cause we blood. We kin cause we of the same spirit."
"I don't understand." I confessed.
"Child, you got so much to learn about this life." She said shaking her head.
"I's only sixteen, Ma'am. Neva knowed much to begin with. I was living on a plantation and had to make haste outta the city. That's all I know."
"Make haste? Who you left yo sucka wit'?"
The look of surprise was not hidden on my face. "How did you know I had a youngen? I don't remember saying anything about my baby girl."
"I know cause yo titis still be with milk." She said, pointing a finger at my bosom. I noticed all of her nails were long. "Milk that be spoiled now cause it be dead milk. I know cause I can smell it on you."
"Ma'am, I don't know what you be speaking of." I was nervous and very uneasy with the things she was saying to me.
"Emma, child, I know you be dead. I know cause I be dead too. That be how you knowed me. How you said, 'I have familiar eyes'. So, how long you been dead? Smells like only a day or two." She reached for her bag and continued to search through it.
With barely a whisper, I said, "Bout two days now." I paused for a moment. "How long you be dead?"
"I be dead for eight years now. Be time for me to get out of this city. I have too many old memories here now." She said it as though it was no more than answering a question about her name. What is her name? She never told me, and I never asked.
"Ma'am, I never asked what yo name be. Can I know that?" I was a little embarrassed for not asking before now.
"Of course you can know that, Miss Emma" She said with a smile. "My name is Eldora Marie Francoise." I be from a place called Mississippi. That be where I was born and died." She had a sad look on her face, as her eyes seem to hold memories in the front of her mind. "I was a slave just like you. I was the daughter of our slave master, Cornelius Fourie. Of course, no body was 'spose to know that, except everybody did know. He died just a couple of months after I was born. My mamma told me he went out on his buggy one day and neva came back. She said some local peoples found him laying in a stream of shallow water just under the old bridge that lead to his uncle plantation. They say nobody knowed who he was 'til one of the peoples found his head a few clicks down the stream." She spoke of him as if she was remembering a tale from a book she had read.
"Who killed him?" I was curious, but also afraid of the answer.
"His uncle killed him, child. They say his uncle, Antoine Rousseau, Cornelius mamma's brother, knowed that he was having relations with a colored woman and he didn't need no body knowing that his nephew was a nigga lova. Antoine knowed Cornelius was coming to meet him at the plantation. So, Antoine met him on the bridge fo' he got there and killed him. Peoples say Antoine thought he make it look like a stranger killed Cornelius, but nobody thought that a stranger just come in and cut another stranger head clean off. Cornelius daddy, Louis Fourie, knowed who killed his son, so he take a few men with him to Antoine plantation. They say Antoine was sleeping next to his wife, when old Louis came in and cut off his manhood. They say one man take his wife and cut her head clean off. Antoine died slow and was made to watch them men kill his wife the same way he killed Cornelius."
I was horrified by this story, but I needed to know more. I had to know more. "What happened to old Louis Fourie? Did some body come to kill him? It seem like they live by eye for a eye."
"No, child. No body killed old Louis. He was a old man. This be why he don't be able to do the killing hisself. He just died of old age."
"But, if you had no master, who be the owner of you?"
"After Louis died, his youngen was the owner of the plantation. His name was Arthur Choiseul Fourie. He was a young man, just catching up to his manhood. He had no notion of how to run a plantation. He neva wanted to be a slave owner. He wanted to live his life the way he wanted to live his life. They say he was not happy, but not because his daddy died. Even though he neva wanted to run the plantation, it be his birth right. His wife was, Elodie Oleander-Fourie. She was a woman of great morals, and she was kind to the slaves. My mamma tell me this is how she get my name cause she loved Miss Elodie.
"Arthur wife was with child and give birth soon after I was born. Miss Elodie had a son, and she called him Alexandre Arnauld Fourie. Ten seasons later, Miss Elodie died of consumption. Seven seasons after that, Arthur Fourie died of smallpox.
"What is smallpox? Is that like chickenpox?"
"No, little one. Smallpox is mo' deadly. It spreads quicker and once you get the sickness, ain't no coming back from it. 'Sides, he got it, when he traveled to other lands by boats kinda like this one."
"We ain't going to no place like that is we, Miss Francoise?" I was a little scared to live in a place that would be full of death.
"That won't make us no neva mind. Now would it? Us being already dead and all." She poked my arm playfully. She was right. I keep forgetting that. "Sides, we be going to Rome on this here boat. We gone be on here a good while, so get settled in, make this home for a spell." Eldora went to another bag and lifted an urn from it. She opened the top and took a drink. My jar didn't look nothing like the one she had. I knew what she was drinking, but I didn't say anything. "Do you care to drink or do you have some fo yo'self in one of them bags?"
"I have some, but your urn is prettier than my jar. Victoria gave me enough for a few days."
"Well, you welcome to some, if you please. We can always get mo'." She placed the urn on top of a wooden crate that sat between the two cots in the room.
"How we gone get mo' blood? You say we gone be on this here boat for a spell. I gotta hunt for my food. Ain't no way to hunt on this boat." I started to fear that I would not be able to survive the boat ride. I never thought about where or how I was going to feed on a boat traveling to what might as well be nowhere.
"Don't get scared now, Miss Emma. Imma learn you to feed the way I feed."
"But ain't no animals on this boat. What is we gone do for food?"
"Oh, there be plenty of animals on this boat", she said as, she sat on the cot across from me, "but we leave them for the peoples who gotta eat them. We don't gotta eat animals, Emma."
"Well, how we gone eat if not animals?' My young mind never fails to keep me outta the know-how.
"We feeds on the animals with two legs, not fo'." She saw the frown on my face. She knew I did not have an inkling of what she meant. "Humans, Emma. There be plenty of them to go around. Don't you think?"
"Oh no, Miss.....
"Eldora." She interrupted.
"Oh no, Miss Eldora.......
"Just, Eldora. No 'Miss'. Ok, Emma?"
"Yes, Ma'am. Eldora, I was told to neva feed on humans."
"And, who told you that?" She lay down, her right side resting on the cot, as she looked at me with a frown on her face.
"Victoria told me to neva do that. She said to only feed on animals. Thems be the rules." I stated reassuring myself of this fact.
"Victoria? That be the one who made you like you is? That be the one who made you leave yo youngen behind? This Victoria, the same who told you to neva come back?"
"Yes, Ma'......I mean, Eldora."
Eldora looked around the room, she stood up and looked under the cots and out of the door of our room. She turned back to me with a look of surprise on her face. "Well, suga, I don't see Victoria no where round here. Do you?"
"No, I don't." I said, as I turned away from her.
"So, this woman give you all these rules, but ain't nowhere around to teach you how to be what you be? Emma, you gotta survive out here. You won't survive on no pig blood and cow juices. You gotta be strong. You gotta be able to defend yo'self, when it come down to it. Goat milk ain't gone help you. My mamma taught me all I needs to know about surviving in this world the way I be now."
"You told yo' mamma about this life? I thought we not 'spose to tell no body." My young mind hard at work for me yet again.
"My mamma made me who I be, Emma. My mamma give me life twice. Not many peoples can say that." Eldora lay down on the cot, this time on her back with her eyes closed. She folded her arms across her flat stomach, and let out a sigh. She knew from my silence that I did not understand what she was telling me. So she started again..."Emma, when I was seventeen years old, my mamma knowed that I be with child befo' I knowed it. She said she can tell by the look of me. I neva had a husband or gentleman caller, buy my mamma knowed the secrets that I keep."
"Secrets? How she knowed yo secrets? No body 'spose to know; that be why they call 'em secrets."
"Oh, Emma, you be so young and innocent. But, you have to know that somethings can't be kept from some people. My mamma knowed me well enough to know all that be going on round bout me."
"So, yo mamma knowed who the daddy of yo youngen was?"
"Yes, she did. She knowed it all." Eldora still had her eyes closed as she thought about something.
"Who was it? Did somebody force yo childhood away from you?"
"No, Emma. Nobody forced nothing away from me. The daddy was Alexandre Arnauld Fourie." She allowed her words to sink in. Moments later I remembered.
"Alexandre? The youngen of the slave owner when you was a youngen?" I was in disbelief.
"Yes, dear. He is the father of my child. My mamma knowed it and so did his wife, Caroline Belmont. She was a loose woman. A whore among whores and Alexandre knew it. The marriage was already in place, when he was a child. He neva wanted to marry, but he was forced into it. You know, to keep up appearances. Caroline was beautiful. She had long hair like the sun and beautiful fair skin. She was a bit shorter than I be, but her female form was perfect. She didn't suffer from a lack of suitors. She was the woman every aristocrat wanted, and most of them had her before and after she was married to Alexandre."
"So, Alexandre didn't care? He just let her be bout her own self in that way?"
"He cared for her, but he neva wanted to marry her. He say he hardly ever lay with her in that way. They was married for two seasons before he ever knowed me."
"Knowed you? I thought.....
"Relations." She interrupted and explained.
"Oh." Was all I could say.
She continued on. "When my momma saw that I be with child, she give me special medicine to take. Medicine that she say been in our family since befo' her mamma's mamma was born. She told me it be fo' the health of my youngen. She said it will make him grow up big and strong like a mighty oak tree. But, my mamma knowed that when the baby come, I would not be long for this earth. So, Mamma thought this be a way for me to not be dead. She thought keeping me here after my soul was gone, was better than losing me forever."
"So, how long after the baby come did you die? Did you die in childbirth?"
"No. Nothing like that I guess. My mamma knowed the temper of Alexandre's wife. She knowed Caroline had inklings about me and her husband. But, right befo' my baby was to be born, Caroline was happy and telling everyone that she was with child and would soon deliver. My mamma knowed it was a lie, but I was young and had no inkling about the matter.
"On the morning I died, I was out back, just beyond the great porch, and I was gathering some baskets of peas after the shelling been done. I hear my name called, and I looked round bout to see who be calling fo' me. I see Miss Caroline standing in the way of the porch door. She asked if I could come in and help her get ready for the birth of her youngen. I was pleased to have this bestowed on me. This was a nice way of her letting me know that she trust me and think me a friend of sorts. Miss Caroline was barren. She could neva produce no youngens, but this I neva knowed at the time. She was planning to have my youngen. as her own. My precious baby boy."
"I don't understand. How she thought nobody would ever know she took yo youngen from you?"
Without hesitation or any assurance Eldora heard anything I said, she continued on. "I followed her into the house, through the kitchen down the long hallway past the grand room, and to the left of the dining room. When I walked into the parlor of the house, right off the main front door, Caroline turned around to face me. The silence round bout the house should have told me that something was not right, but I didn't realize what was going on until I saw the butchers' knife in her hand. By then it was too late." She paused to stay in control of her emotions, which I saw slowly slipping away from her. She closed her eyes again and gave another sigh. "I saw her cold, black, demon eyes the moment the knife struck me in the bottom on my belly and ripped it open. I was bleeding, but I didn't feel no pain cause I was in shock of what was happening to me. She watched me, as I turned away from her and fell to the floor flat on my belly. She kicked me in my head, and my back, and my side many times until she finally used her foot to roll me over on my back. The evil in her eyes was piercing my soul with every movement she made. She leaned down next to me, and without saying a word, she stuck the knife in my belly again. Only this time, she cut me from bottom to top. She reached in my belly and pulled my youngen from me.You see, Emma, my boy was never born. He was ripped away from my body. I could hear my boy cry, and I could feel her tugging at something that was still holding on to me. After that everything went silent. No more pain, no more crying, no more light. She left me there to bleed out on the floor of the parlor."
"That is so very awful! Awful thing to do to somebody!" I was crying and angry. "How can somebody do that to another human? It's just awful!" I was unable to stop crying. Eldora sat up and came over to my cot. She sat next to me and hugged me as close as she could to her bosom.
"I am sorry. I neva mean to make you cry, Miss Emma." I pulled away slowly and wiped my eyes. When I looked at my hands, I noticed something strange on them. Eldora saw my expression and explained to me, "Those just be yo new tears. Now, when you cry, it shine like diamonds."
I managed to put aside the explanation of the tears. It was just something I would have to question later. "I don't understand the evil in this world at all. I don't think I ever will. I'm too young to be out here on my own. I'm not gone make it, Eldora. I'm not." I confessed and sobbed at the same time.
"Emma, there be some evil people in this world. Living and dead. People who be out to hang you, burn you, or chop off yo head. In my case, rip a baby clean from his mamma's belly. The world is full of 'em, and you gone learn that soon enough."
I managed to stop crying. "What happened to yo boy? Did he die too?"
"No, sweet Emma. When I come back from the dead, my mamma was already in the crypt waiting for me to wake up. She told me about where I was and why I was there. It took awhile for everything to click in my head. I was confused and frightened, and any other terrifying emotions you can think of. When I gained my thoughts, I asked her about my baby. She told me, when Alexandre found out what Caroline had done to me, he made a fire and made her eat hot coals til she be dead. My mamma said he took my youngen to hisself."
"Like Caesar's wife." I said with a whisper."
"What was that, dear?" I knew she heard me. I didn't mean for her to hear me. I forgot that our hearing was better that humans. "I just asked why yo mamma didn't want to take the baby?"
"She did. But, she knowed he would have a better life with Alexandre. He would grow up smart from learning how to read and from all of the things only a man can teach a boy. 'Sides, my baby was his first born. All the peoples knowed it was my baby, but nobody ever said anything else about it. Alexandre was generous enough to beckon for my mamma to tend to my boy. She became his favorite person in the world. He loved his daddy, but he would mountains for his Gran Gran, though he didn't know that she was his Gran Gran"
"Did you love him? Alexandre?" I was curious cause I know I loved my husband. I didn't at first sight, but God knows I loved him before I died.
She went back to her cot and began to undress. "I don't know. I think so. I ain't too sho' how that love 'spose to feel. My mamma seem to think I did, so I guess it was love. I knowed I neva felt that way about nobody befo' Alexandre or after." She unzipped her dress and allowed it to fall to the floor. Her undergarments was long and shiny and fancy.
"So, you never had the chance to name your baby?" I watched her as she moved around our little room with so much elegance and grace. I wish I could move like she move.
"Oh, I did. Soon as my momma told me I was having a boy, I chose a name for him. I called him Ambroisio Laurent. I wanted him to have a part of my creole heritage. What about you, Emma. What did you name yo youngen?"
I became sad at the thought of my baby being without me. "I died only minutes after she was born. I didn't get to name her until I woke up with this life. I called her Gemi. She be of light and darkness. A little of what I was and a little of what I am now."
After she finished getting ready for bed, she sat back down on her cot. "That be a pretty name for a pretty girl. First light will be up soon. Li lè pou kabann. Koulye a, jwenn kèk dòmi, ti kras yon sèl."
"What the hell does that mean?" I was shocked by my own words. But, really?
Eldora laughed. "It's Creole." She laughed some more. " It means, 'It's time for bed. Now get some sleep little one.' There be a lot I have to learn you Miss Emma. She laughed again.
"Eldora, if you be willing to show me how to be what I be and teach me, what you gone want from me?"
"Beg pardon?" She gave me a curious look.
"Victoria told me ain't nothing free in this world. So, what you gone want from me?" I tried to sound all grown up, but she knew I was faking my way through it.
"Well, I see this Victoria did teach you something useful in this life."
"I reckoned she did." I was proud of myself for sounding like a real grown up.
"Well, I tell you what. Since we gone be on this here boat for a spell, I will learn you things you need to know to survive. I may even learn you some Creole talk."
I laughed. "I don't think I can learn that kinda talk."
"Well, you can stop pretending you ain't got some kinda notion on how to speak, how they say, proper."
"Huh?"
"Huh? Now that don't be the proper way to speak. Whiles we on this boat, I reckon you gone learn me how to read."
Once the ship set sail, I realized I had no idea where it was sailing to. The mystery woman persuaded a man who worked on deck to see to it that we could sleep somewhere with no windows. He happily obliged her. When we made it to what was called our stateroom, I was thankful for the darkness and the cold. I was still uneasy about the mystery woman. It was strange of her to be willing to sleep in a place that the rats didn't seem to want to be in. She was very persuasive, and was able to talk sweetness out of sugar. I had a feeling by the time we got to where we were going, she was going to owe a lot of people a lot of favors. I watched her, as she closed the door behind us, sat her bags down and locked the door.
"Ma'am, I am much obliged to you for taking me on like this, but you gotta know, I can't pay you nothing." I was ashamed and felt guilty for having to be a burden to her.
She looked at me with a slight grin. "Miss Emma, I ain't asking you fo' no money. I's just here to help you. That's all." She began sifting through her things, searching for something.
"But, why you wanna help me? I ain't no body special. 'Sides, I never seen no white woman help no colored person no way."
She gave a hearty laugh, as she sat next to me on one of the tiny cot in the small room and rested her bag in her lap. "Child, you look at me and think I be a white woman? My daddy was white, my momma is Haitian Creole. I guess that be what give me my color, but it don't make me white. You ain't white, is ya?" She was smiling at my ignorance. "I helps you because we family." She looked at me and gave a wink.
"We be kin? But, my family is dead. No blood to speak of."
"Beg pardon?" She looked surprised that I would say such a thing.
I was afraid to look up at her, so I spoke again with my head hanging as low as possible. "Just that, when I first laid eyes on you, I thought I knew you from somewhere. You got them familiar eyes, as my mamma use to say."
She started to laugh softly. "Miss Emma, look at me." She placed her hand under my chin and gave a slight lift. I looked into her eyes and she met my gaze. "We not kin cause we blood. We kin cause we of the same spirit."
"I don't understand." I confessed.
"Child, you got so much to learn about this life." She said shaking her head.
"I's only sixteen, Ma'am. Neva knowed much to begin with. I was living on a plantation and had to make haste outta the city. That's all I know."
"Make haste? Who you left yo sucka wit'?"
The look of surprise was not hidden on my face. "How did you know I had a youngen? I don't remember saying anything about my baby girl."
"I know cause yo titis still be with milk." She said, pointing a finger at my bosom. I noticed all of her nails were long. "Milk that be spoiled now cause it be dead milk. I know cause I can smell it on you."
"Ma'am, I don't know what you be speaking of." I was nervous and very uneasy with the things she was saying to me.
"Emma, child, I know you be dead. I know cause I be dead too. That be how you knowed me. How you said, 'I have familiar eyes'. So, how long you been dead? Smells like only a day or two." She reached for her bag and continued to search through it.
With barely a whisper, I said, "Bout two days now." I paused for a moment. "How long you be dead?"
"I be dead for eight years now. Be time for me to get out of this city. I have too many old memories here now." She said it as though it was no more than answering a question about her name. What is her name? She never told me, and I never asked.
"Ma'am, I never asked what yo name be. Can I know that?" I was a little embarrassed for not asking before now.
"Of course you can know that, Miss Emma" She said with a smile. "My name is Eldora Marie Francoise." I be from a place called Mississippi. That be where I was born and died." She had a sad look on her face, as her eyes seem to hold memories in the front of her mind. "I was a slave just like you. I was the daughter of our slave master, Cornelius Fourie. Of course, no body was 'spose to know that, except everybody did know. He died just a couple of months after I was born. My mamma told me he went out on his buggy one day and neva came back. She said some local peoples found him laying in a stream of shallow water just under the old bridge that lead to his uncle plantation. They say nobody knowed who he was 'til one of the peoples found his head a few clicks down the stream." She spoke of him as if she was remembering a tale from a book she had read.
"Who killed him?" I was curious, but also afraid of the answer.
"His uncle killed him, child. They say his uncle, Antoine Rousseau, Cornelius mamma's brother, knowed that he was having relations with a colored woman and he didn't need no body knowing that his nephew was a nigga lova. Antoine knowed Cornelius was coming to meet him at the plantation. So, Antoine met him on the bridge fo' he got there and killed him. Peoples say Antoine thought he make it look like a stranger killed Cornelius, but nobody thought that a stranger just come in and cut another stranger head clean off. Cornelius daddy, Louis Fourie, knowed who killed his son, so he take a few men with him to Antoine plantation. They say Antoine was sleeping next to his wife, when old Louis came in and cut off his manhood. They say one man take his wife and cut her head clean off. Antoine died slow and was made to watch them men kill his wife the same way he killed Cornelius."
I was horrified by this story, but I needed to know more. I had to know more. "What happened to old Louis Fourie? Did some body come to kill him? It seem like they live by eye for a eye."
"No, child. No body killed old Louis. He was a old man. This be why he don't be able to do the killing hisself. He just died of old age."
"But, if you had no master, who be the owner of you?"
"After Louis died, his youngen was the owner of the plantation. His name was Arthur Choiseul Fourie. He was a young man, just catching up to his manhood. He had no notion of how to run a plantation. He neva wanted to be a slave owner. He wanted to live his life the way he wanted to live his life. They say he was not happy, but not because his daddy died. Even though he neva wanted to run the plantation, it be his birth right. His wife was, Elodie Oleander-Fourie. She was a woman of great morals, and she was kind to the slaves. My mamma tell me this is how she get my name cause she loved Miss Elodie.
"Arthur wife was with child and give birth soon after I was born. Miss Elodie had a son, and she called him Alexandre Arnauld Fourie. Ten seasons later, Miss Elodie died of consumption. Seven seasons after that, Arthur Fourie died of smallpox.
"What is smallpox? Is that like chickenpox?"
"No, little one. Smallpox is mo' deadly. It spreads quicker and once you get the sickness, ain't no coming back from it. 'Sides, he got it, when he traveled to other lands by boats kinda like this one."
"We ain't going to no place like that is we, Miss Francoise?" I was a little scared to live in a place that would be full of death.
"That won't make us no neva mind. Now would it? Us being already dead and all." She poked my arm playfully. She was right. I keep forgetting that. "Sides, we be going to Rome on this here boat. We gone be on here a good while, so get settled in, make this home for a spell." Eldora went to another bag and lifted an urn from it. She opened the top and took a drink. My jar didn't look nothing like the one she had. I knew what she was drinking, but I didn't say anything. "Do you care to drink or do you have some fo yo'self in one of them bags?"
"I have some, but your urn is prettier than my jar. Victoria gave me enough for a few days."
"Well, you welcome to some, if you please. We can always get mo'." She placed the urn on top of a wooden crate that sat between the two cots in the room.
"How we gone get mo' blood? You say we gone be on this here boat for a spell. I gotta hunt for my food. Ain't no way to hunt on this boat." I started to fear that I would not be able to survive the boat ride. I never thought about where or how I was going to feed on a boat traveling to what might as well be nowhere.
"Don't get scared now, Miss Emma. Imma learn you to feed the way I feed."
"But ain't no animals on this boat. What is we gone do for food?"
"Oh, there be plenty of animals on this boat", she said as, she sat on the cot across from me, "but we leave them for the peoples who gotta eat them. We don't gotta eat animals, Emma."
"Well, how we gone eat if not animals?' My young mind never fails to keep me outta the know-how.
"We feeds on the animals with two legs, not fo'." She saw the frown on my face. She knew I did not have an inkling of what she meant. "Humans, Emma. There be plenty of them to go around. Don't you think?"
"Oh no, Miss.....
"Eldora." She interrupted.
"Oh no, Miss Eldora.......
"Just, Eldora. No 'Miss'. Ok, Emma?"
"Yes, Ma'am. Eldora, I was told to neva feed on humans."
"And, who told you that?" She lay down, her right side resting on the cot, as she looked at me with a frown on her face.
"Victoria told me to neva do that. She said to only feed on animals. Thems be the rules." I stated reassuring myself of this fact.
"Victoria? That be the one who made you like you is? That be the one who made you leave yo youngen behind? This Victoria, the same who told you to neva come back?"
"Yes, Ma'......I mean, Eldora."
Eldora looked around the room, she stood up and looked under the cots and out of the door of our room. She turned back to me with a look of surprise on her face. "Well, suga, I don't see Victoria no where round here. Do you?"
"No, I don't." I said, as I turned away from her.
"So, this woman give you all these rules, but ain't nowhere around to teach you how to be what you be? Emma, you gotta survive out here. You won't survive on no pig blood and cow juices. You gotta be strong. You gotta be able to defend yo'self, when it come down to it. Goat milk ain't gone help you. My mamma taught me all I needs to know about surviving in this world the way I be now."
"You told yo' mamma about this life? I thought we not 'spose to tell no body." My young mind hard at work for me yet again.
"My mamma made me who I be, Emma. My mamma give me life twice. Not many peoples can say that." Eldora lay down on the cot, this time on her back with her eyes closed. She folded her arms across her flat stomach, and let out a sigh. She knew from my silence that I did not understand what she was telling me. So she started again..."Emma, when I was seventeen years old, my mamma knowed that I be with child befo' I knowed it. She said she can tell by the look of me. I neva had a husband or gentleman caller, buy my mamma knowed the secrets that I keep."
"Secrets? How she knowed yo secrets? No body 'spose to know; that be why they call 'em secrets."
"Oh, Emma, you be so young and innocent. But, you have to know that somethings can't be kept from some people. My mamma knowed me well enough to know all that be going on round bout me."
"So, yo mamma knowed who the daddy of yo youngen was?"
"Yes, she did. She knowed it all." Eldora still had her eyes closed as she thought about something.
"Who was it? Did somebody force yo childhood away from you?"
"No, Emma. Nobody forced nothing away from me. The daddy was Alexandre Arnauld Fourie." She allowed her words to sink in. Moments later I remembered.
"Alexandre? The youngen of the slave owner when you was a youngen?" I was in disbelief.
"Yes, dear. He is the father of my child. My mamma knowed it and so did his wife, Caroline Belmont. She was a loose woman. A whore among whores and Alexandre knew it. The marriage was already in place, when he was a child. He neva wanted to marry, but he was forced into it. You know, to keep up appearances. Caroline was beautiful. She had long hair like the sun and beautiful fair skin. She was a bit shorter than I be, but her female form was perfect. She didn't suffer from a lack of suitors. She was the woman every aristocrat wanted, and most of them had her before and after she was married to Alexandre."
"So, Alexandre didn't care? He just let her be bout her own self in that way?"
"He cared for her, but he neva wanted to marry her. He say he hardly ever lay with her in that way. They was married for two seasons before he ever knowed me."
"Knowed you? I thought.....
"Relations." She interrupted and explained.
"Oh." Was all I could say.
She continued on. "When my momma saw that I be with child, she give me special medicine to take. Medicine that she say been in our family since befo' her mamma's mamma was born. She told me it be fo' the health of my youngen. She said it will make him grow up big and strong like a mighty oak tree. But, my mamma knowed that when the baby come, I would not be long for this earth. So, Mamma thought this be a way for me to not be dead. She thought keeping me here after my soul was gone, was better than losing me forever."
"So, how long after the baby come did you die? Did you die in childbirth?"
"No. Nothing like that I guess. My mamma knowed the temper of Alexandre's wife. She knowed Caroline had inklings about me and her husband. But, right befo' my baby was to be born, Caroline was happy and telling everyone that she was with child and would soon deliver. My mamma knowed it was a lie, but I was young and had no inkling about the matter.
"On the morning I died, I was out back, just beyond the great porch, and I was gathering some baskets of peas after the shelling been done. I hear my name called, and I looked round bout to see who be calling fo' me. I see Miss Caroline standing in the way of the porch door. She asked if I could come in and help her get ready for the birth of her youngen. I was pleased to have this bestowed on me. This was a nice way of her letting me know that she trust me and think me a friend of sorts. Miss Caroline was barren. She could neva produce no youngens, but this I neva knowed at the time. She was planning to have my youngen. as her own. My precious baby boy."
"I don't understand. How she thought nobody would ever know she took yo youngen from you?"
Without hesitation or any assurance Eldora heard anything I said, she continued on. "I followed her into the house, through the kitchen down the long hallway past the grand room, and to the left of the dining room. When I walked into the parlor of the house, right off the main front door, Caroline turned around to face me. The silence round bout the house should have told me that something was not right, but I didn't realize what was going on until I saw the butchers' knife in her hand. By then it was too late." She paused to stay in control of her emotions, which I saw slowly slipping away from her. She closed her eyes again and gave another sigh. "I saw her cold, black, demon eyes the moment the knife struck me in the bottom on my belly and ripped it open. I was bleeding, but I didn't feel no pain cause I was in shock of what was happening to me. She watched me, as I turned away from her and fell to the floor flat on my belly. She kicked me in my head, and my back, and my side many times until she finally used her foot to roll me over on my back. The evil in her eyes was piercing my soul with every movement she made. She leaned down next to me, and without saying a word, she stuck the knife in my belly again. Only this time, she cut me from bottom to top. She reached in my belly and pulled my youngen from me.You see, Emma, my boy was never born. He was ripped away from my body. I could hear my boy cry, and I could feel her tugging at something that was still holding on to me. After that everything went silent. No more pain, no more crying, no more light. She left me there to bleed out on the floor of the parlor."
"That is so very awful! Awful thing to do to somebody!" I was crying and angry. "How can somebody do that to another human? It's just awful!" I was unable to stop crying. Eldora sat up and came over to my cot. She sat next to me and hugged me as close as she could to her bosom.
"I am sorry. I neva mean to make you cry, Miss Emma." I pulled away slowly and wiped my eyes. When I looked at my hands, I noticed something strange on them. Eldora saw my expression and explained to me, "Those just be yo new tears. Now, when you cry, it shine like diamonds."
I managed to put aside the explanation of the tears. It was just something I would have to question later. "I don't understand the evil in this world at all. I don't think I ever will. I'm too young to be out here on my own. I'm not gone make it, Eldora. I'm not." I confessed and sobbed at the same time.
"Emma, there be some evil people in this world. Living and dead. People who be out to hang you, burn you, or chop off yo head. In my case, rip a baby clean from his mamma's belly. The world is full of 'em, and you gone learn that soon enough."
I managed to stop crying. "What happened to yo boy? Did he die too?"
"No, sweet Emma. When I come back from the dead, my mamma was already in the crypt waiting for me to wake up. She told me about where I was and why I was there. It took awhile for everything to click in my head. I was confused and frightened, and any other terrifying emotions you can think of. When I gained my thoughts, I asked her about my baby. She told me, when Alexandre found out what Caroline had done to me, he made a fire and made her eat hot coals til she be dead. My mamma said he took my youngen to hisself."
"Like Caesar's wife." I said with a whisper."
"What was that, dear?" I knew she heard me. I didn't mean for her to hear me. I forgot that our hearing was better that humans. "I just asked why yo mamma didn't want to take the baby?"
"She did. But, she knowed he would have a better life with Alexandre. He would grow up smart from learning how to read and from all of the things only a man can teach a boy. 'Sides, my baby was his first born. All the peoples knowed it was my baby, but nobody ever said anything else about it. Alexandre was generous enough to beckon for my mamma to tend to my boy. She became his favorite person in the world. He loved his daddy, but he would mountains for his Gran Gran, though he didn't know that she was his Gran Gran"
"Did you love him? Alexandre?" I was curious cause I know I loved my husband. I didn't at first sight, but God knows I loved him before I died.
She went back to her cot and began to undress. "I don't know. I think so. I ain't too sho' how that love 'spose to feel. My mamma seem to think I did, so I guess it was love. I knowed I neva felt that way about nobody befo' Alexandre or after." She unzipped her dress and allowed it to fall to the floor. Her undergarments was long and shiny and fancy.
"So, you never had the chance to name your baby?" I watched her as she moved around our little room with so much elegance and grace. I wish I could move like she move.
"Oh, I did. Soon as my momma told me I was having a boy, I chose a name for him. I called him Ambroisio Laurent. I wanted him to have a part of my creole heritage. What about you, Emma. What did you name yo youngen?"
I became sad at the thought of my baby being without me. "I died only minutes after she was born. I didn't get to name her until I woke up with this life. I called her Gemi. She be of light and darkness. A little of what I was and a little of what I am now."
After she finished getting ready for bed, she sat back down on her cot. "That be a pretty name for a pretty girl. First light will be up soon. Li lè pou kabann. Koulye a, jwenn kèk dòmi, ti kras yon sèl."
"What the hell does that mean?" I was shocked by my own words. But, really?
Eldora laughed. "It's Creole." She laughed some more. " It means, 'It's time for bed. Now get some sleep little one.' There be a lot I have to learn you Miss Emma. She laughed again.
"Eldora, if you be willing to show me how to be what I be and teach me, what you gone want from me?"
"Beg pardon?" She gave me a curious look.
"Victoria told me ain't nothing free in this world. So, what you gone want from me?" I tried to sound all grown up, but she knew I was faking my way through it.
"Well, I see this Victoria did teach you something useful in this life."
"I reckoned she did." I was proud of myself for sounding like a real grown up.
"Well, I tell you what. Since we gone be on this here boat for a spell, I will learn you things you need to know to survive. I may even learn you some Creole talk."
I laughed. "I don't think I can learn that kinda talk."
"Well, you can stop pretending you ain't got some kinda notion on how to speak, how they say, proper."
"Huh?"
"Huh? Now that don't be the proper way to speak. Whiles we on this boat, I reckon you gone learn me how to read."
Thursday, September 4, 2014
THE LIFE: CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER SEVEN: BIG BARK, NO BITE
As I watched Victoria walk away, I began to feel more alone than I ever thought was possible. I never realized how hard and how scary it would be on my own. I don't have no knowledge of this world outside of my daddy's plantation. Wow! My daddy. I never thought I would think of Master Thorne as anything but my owner. I never thought I would miss him as much as I do now. This was not the way I thought things would turn out for me. I miss everyone and everything. Well, not everyone. Miss Katherine will never be missed by me no matter how bad my life turns out. I don't wish her no harm, but I don't want to ever see her again.
My first night alone was the most frightful. When I left the gates of the cemetery, I found a dirt path. I didn't know where it would take me, but I knew I had to keep moving. I could hear Victoria's words to me about first light. I looked to the east, and I could see Venus at it's western point. It was as if I could actually touch it, as it gave the notion of pending sunrise. I hurried along the dirt path and thankfully came upon an open gate that led to a field. I walked through the field and almost tripped over what looked like a large rock. I stopped and remembered Victoria saying to be aware of my surroundings. As I looked around, I saw tall grass and weeds covering headstones. This is another cemetery. I continued to walk silently, as not to disturb anyone or anything. This new life or death or whatever it is has given me enough reason to trust nothing as it seems to be.
The wind felt as though it was flying through my being. The dew drops on the tall grass kissed me with every step. Everything was different. Everything was more real and alive. I felt as though my body was floating on top of everything below me. Moving forward and not wasting any time, I noticed what looked like a stone shed about fifty feet from where I was walking.Thankfully it was another crypt. I ran toward it and was at the door in less than two seconds. How did I do that? Is this another part of me that I did not know about? My head was spinning, and I thought I would faint. I managed to break open the lock on the crypt, stepped inside, and slowly closed the door behind me. It was cold and dark. This is where I would make my resting place for tonight. I sat the satchels on the dirt floor and pulled out a small, tin lantern given to me by Victoria. It looked like a tea pot, but the top was completely closed and a small wick extended from the spout. I had no idea how to light it without having any fire. I reached into the bag and pulled out everything, but nothing I could use to light the wick.
I looked around, and just as the crypt I left, I could see skeletons on the floor. Though not as many, but they lay in the same way. I stared at them for a long time thinking of how they may have died. I thought about what their families were like, what their lives must have been like, what they loved most in this world. I did not worry much about the lantern anymore. I didn't need the light. I could see just fine without it. Another new found wonder about myself.
I sat on the middle of the three cold vaults that was not being used. I did not feel it necessary to disturb the dead more than I already had. The vault was cold and comforting. I didn't need any bed sheets or pillows. I sat back against the wall and opened a second satchel. I was getting hungry and I reached inside for the jar of blood Victoria had given to me. I did not understand how I was suppose to enjoy this new food, but I had no choice, if I wanted to continue to stay in this world. I stared at the jar, turned it round and round, opened it and inhaled it's aroma. It was an aroma! It smelled like apples and pears freshly piked from the branches. I closed my eyes and took in the sweet smell, as I held on tightly to the jar. I dipped my finger inside just far enough to touch the top of the dark thick liquid with my finger. I placed the drop on my tongue, and my entire being started to feel alive. The taste from the single drop was almost more than I could bare, but I had to have more. As I drank from the jar, my entire body became warm, and my eyes began to open. I could see as clear as I could if I was in daylight. My mind was clear. My focus was clear. My understanding was clear. My smile turned into a slight giggle, then I was laughing uncontrollably. I was drunk and out of my head. I sat thinking of my new life. I thought about where I would go and how I would get there. I didn't possess any money or anything I could trade for money. I had no inkling of how I was going to survive. I had to learn how to hunt for food, find places to sleep, make sure no one was after me. The whole situation was becoming too much for me to wrap my head around. My eyes were heavy and my body was giving up the strength it had only moments ago. I was beginning to feel weak and dazed. I carefully placed the jar back into the satchel that lay on the dirt floor beneath me. Soon after, the life inside of me faded away.
When I awoke, my mind was confused. For a moment I did not remember where I was. I reached out for Jonathan, but he wasn't there. I sat up quickly, looked around, realized my fate as being without my family,without anywhere to call home, without anyone to love or to love me. This was a cruel fate, but mine none the less. I climbed off of the vault and reached for the satchel that contained my breakfast. I took a drink and was quickly aware of everything once again. I started gathering my things, knowing that I could not stay here, fearing what awaited me outside tonight. I listened for sounds of anyone stirring about before I opened the door of the crypt. Upon not hearing anything that could harm me, I slowly opened the door and walked out as quickly as I had come in. I came back to the same dirt path that had led me to the cemetery. I kept walking east until I could hear faint whispers of people talking. The whispers became louder, as I came to the ending of the dirt path. A loud sound took me by surprise. I walked a little farther, and that's when I saw the most amazing thing. It was long and huge and tall and wide and people were waiting in line to go in. I looked to my left and there was a sign that read 'Shipping Docks'. This was a real ship! I could not believe my eyes. I had only read about such things but never seen it in real life. Is that what Christopher Columbus ships looked like? Oh my, I can only imagine!
I walked to the line of people getting on and stood behind a tall, thin, middle aged, white man who looked to be traveling with his very young wife who be with child. I peaked beyond the couple to see how fast the line was moving. I knew this is what Victoria wanted me to find. This seemed to be the only way out of this city, since I didn't own a horse and buggy. I had to get on this ship.
As the line moved forward, I wondered where I was going to travel to. Having no idea about the world in real life, gave me a sense of excitement. The man and his wife in front of me were now talking to another white man who was shorter and on the larger side. His skin was pale as snow, and his brown hair was thinning at the top. He wore a white shirt underneath a blue jacket. Someone had stitched the numbers 54 on the right side of the jacket and on the right side of the blue pants he wore. Getting passed him seemed to be the only way to getting on the ship. I watched the tall man in front of me give the shorter man some papers. Is that what they call money? I'd never seen money before, so I did not know what I was looking at. The shorter man took the papers, unhooked the rope behind him, and allowed the coupled to enter on the ship. I was next in line. He hooked the ropes back, turned around and seemed to be confused, when he looked at me.
"Where do you think you're going?" He spat out.
I was nervous, but I knew I could not show my fear. "I'm just trying to get on this ship, sir." I explained calmly.
He let out a huge, hearty laugh. "I don't reckon you will be doing that." He stared at me with hateful eyes. The kind of eyes Miss Katherine has. I started to fear that he knew I was a slave and thought I had run away from the plantation. "Do you have any money?" he asked, as he laughed.
"No, sir, I don't." I was so ashamed.
"Well, I guess you will have to walk to wherever it is you trying to get to. No money, no ship ride. Next!" He yelled, looking past me, as if I was no longer standing there.
I reckoned my skin color fooled him. I never thought of myself as looking as the white woman look, but I guess others can't seem to tell the difference. But, he knew from the worn clothes I was wearing that I could not afford a boat ride or any other ride for that matter. How am I suppose to get outta here, when I have no idea how to get outta here? I turned around and almost ran into the woman behind me. When I looked into her eyes, I felt like I knew her. Something familiar about her eyes to me. "Excuse me, Ma'am." I said nervously, as I rushed passed her.
"Wait, little one!" She called out to me. I turned around and looked into her eyes again. She gazed at me, tilted her head slightly to the right, smiled and walked toward me. She had the most beautiful smile. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen other than my mother. She was a white woman, and it seemed strange that she would be talking to me. She walked slowly towards me, her long straight black hair blowing in the nightly breeze. Her lips were the color of scarlet and her eyes like fresh ripe pecans. She was tall and slender and moved with grace. I felt a cold flush of fear, as I realized she probably knew me from the plantation. She probably wanted to take me back. But, I can't go back. I can never go back. I was panicking in my mind, and she seemed to sense my emotion. She stood in front of me, rubbed the side of my face with her cold hand. "Where you trying to run off to, little one?" She asked, as she held my gaze. I felt a wave of sickness wash over me. I was caught. I could not let her take me back to the plantation. "Well, speak up." She commanded in a soft tone.
"Nowhere, Ma'am. I was just.........
"What be yo name, little one?" she interrupted.
I knew it was over. I tried to think of a lie, but instead, "Emma, Ma'am. Emma Thorne-Persley." The truth came out.
"Well, Mrs Emma Thorne-Persley, such a pretty name for a pretty girl." She smiled at me again, and I didn't know what to think. "Now tell me where you running off to."
I was nervous and scared. But, if this was going to be it, I might as well say something. "I have to get outta here, Ma'am."
"What fo'?" She sounded concern, but I knew I could not trust no human.
"I just do. I can't stay here no longer. I have to as soon as possible. I was hoping it would be tonight, but my plans may have to wait until I can make enough money to buy a ride on that boat."
She was watching me, hanging on to my every word, giving me her full attention. "Well," she finally said, "If you want to get on this here boat, you can get on with me."
I was confused. "But, that man just.........
She interrupted again. "Oh, neva mind what he said. He just like a lil dog, big bark no bite." This made me smile a little. "Now come on." She grabbed my hand, and we shuffled our way to the front of the line.
When the man at the rope saw me again, he stepped in front of me and blocked me from moving forward. "I thought I told you, you ain't getting on this boat!" he barked viciously. I took a few steps back and felt someone place a hand in my back. It was the mystery woman. I looked at her and she could see my fear. She gave me a wink and made a gesture for me to step aside, as she took her place in front of me.
"Excuse me, sir." She was calm and pleasant. The man at the rope was speaking to another man, when he turned and looked in our direction again. "I would really be grateful to you, if you let me and my youngen on board this here boat." Youngen? Did she really think she could fool him with this story? Although she was pleasant, I could see from the look in his eyes he wasn't going to be. Just as the scowl began to form on his face, the woman placed her left hand on his right shoulder and looked him dead in his eyes. I just knew I was gone hang for this. The mystery woman would be just fine, since she was a white, but my fate was sealed. But, instead of an act of violence from the man at the rope, the woman began whispering in his ear. I watched as his shoulders went from rigid to relaxed. His voice went from vicious to calm. His face was turning red, as he gave a pleasing smile to the mystery woman.
"Well, yes ma'am. You and your youngen very welcome to board this ship." He stated, as he continued to gaze at her.
I was scared to move. How was this happening? He actually believed that I am the child of a white woman? He really is stupid. I watched as he unhooked the rope and allowed the mystery woman and I to pass. Once the ropes were hooked behind us, I never looked back.
As I watched Victoria walk away, I began to feel more alone than I ever thought was possible. I never realized how hard and how scary it would be on my own. I don't have no knowledge of this world outside of my daddy's plantation. Wow! My daddy. I never thought I would think of Master Thorne as anything but my owner. I never thought I would miss him as much as I do now. This was not the way I thought things would turn out for me. I miss everyone and everything. Well, not everyone. Miss Katherine will never be missed by me no matter how bad my life turns out. I don't wish her no harm, but I don't want to ever see her again.
My first night alone was the most frightful. When I left the gates of the cemetery, I found a dirt path. I didn't know where it would take me, but I knew I had to keep moving. I could hear Victoria's words to me about first light. I looked to the east, and I could see Venus at it's western point. It was as if I could actually touch it, as it gave the notion of pending sunrise. I hurried along the dirt path and thankfully came upon an open gate that led to a field. I walked through the field and almost tripped over what looked like a large rock. I stopped and remembered Victoria saying to be aware of my surroundings. As I looked around, I saw tall grass and weeds covering headstones. This is another cemetery. I continued to walk silently, as not to disturb anyone or anything. This new life or death or whatever it is has given me enough reason to trust nothing as it seems to be.
The wind felt as though it was flying through my being. The dew drops on the tall grass kissed me with every step. Everything was different. Everything was more real and alive. I felt as though my body was floating on top of everything below me. Moving forward and not wasting any time, I noticed what looked like a stone shed about fifty feet from where I was walking.Thankfully it was another crypt. I ran toward it and was at the door in less than two seconds. How did I do that? Is this another part of me that I did not know about? My head was spinning, and I thought I would faint. I managed to break open the lock on the crypt, stepped inside, and slowly closed the door behind me. It was cold and dark. This is where I would make my resting place for tonight. I sat the satchels on the dirt floor and pulled out a small, tin lantern given to me by Victoria. It looked like a tea pot, but the top was completely closed and a small wick extended from the spout. I had no idea how to light it without having any fire. I reached into the bag and pulled out everything, but nothing I could use to light the wick.
I looked around, and just as the crypt I left, I could see skeletons on the floor. Though not as many, but they lay in the same way. I stared at them for a long time thinking of how they may have died. I thought about what their families were like, what their lives must have been like, what they loved most in this world. I did not worry much about the lantern anymore. I didn't need the light. I could see just fine without it. Another new found wonder about myself.
I sat on the middle of the three cold vaults that was not being used. I did not feel it necessary to disturb the dead more than I already had. The vault was cold and comforting. I didn't need any bed sheets or pillows. I sat back against the wall and opened a second satchel. I was getting hungry and I reached inside for the jar of blood Victoria had given to me. I did not understand how I was suppose to enjoy this new food, but I had no choice, if I wanted to continue to stay in this world. I stared at the jar, turned it round and round, opened it and inhaled it's aroma. It was an aroma! It smelled like apples and pears freshly piked from the branches. I closed my eyes and took in the sweet smell, as I held on tightly to the jar. I dipped my finger inside just far enough to touch the top of the dark thick liquid with my finger. I placed the drop on my tongue, and my entire being started to feel alive. The taste from the single drop was almost more than I could bare, but I had to have more. As I drank from the jar, my entire body became warm, and my eyes began to open. I could see as clear as I could if I was in daylight. My mind was clear. My focus was clear. My understanding was clear. My smile turned into a slight giggle, then I was laughing uncontrollably. I was drunk and out of my head. I sat thinking of my new life. I thought about where I would go and how I would get there. I didn't possess any money or anything I could trade for money. I had no inkling of how I was going to survive. I had to learn how to hunt for food, find places to sleep, make sure no one was after me. The whole situation was becoming too much for me to wrap my head around. My eyes were heavy and my body was giving up the strength it had only moments ago. I was beginning to feel weak and dazed. I carefully placed the jar back into the satchel that lay on the dirt floor beneath me. Soon after, the life inside of me faded away.
When I awoke, my mind was confused. For a moment I did not remember where I was. I reached out for Jonathan, but he wasn't there. I sat up quickly, looked around, realized my fate as being without my family,without anywhere to call home, without anyone to love or to love me. This was a cruel fate, but mine none the less. I climbed off of the vault and reached for the satchel that contained my breakfast. I took a drink and was quickly aware of everything once again. I started gathering my things, knowing that I could not stay here, fearing what awaited me outside tonight. I listened for sounds of anyone stirring about before I opened the door of the crypt. Upon not hearing anything that could harm me, I slowly opened the door and walked out as quickly as I had come in. I came back to the same dirt path that had led me to the cemetery. I kept walking east until I could hear faint whispers of people talking. The whispers became louder, as I came to the ending of the dirt path. A loud sound took me by surprise. I walked a little farther, and that's when I saw the most amazing thing. It was long and huge and tall and wide and people were waiting in line to go in. I looked to my left and there was a sign that read 'Shipping Docks'. This was a real ship! I could not believe my eyes. I had only read about such things but never seen it in real life. Is that what Christopher Columbus ships looked like? Oh my, I can only imagine!
I walked to the line of people getting on and stood behind a tall, thin, middle aged, white man who looked to be traveling with his very young wife who be with child. I peaked beyond the couple to see how fast the line was moving. I knew this is what Victoria wanted me to find. This seemed to be the only way out of this city, since I didn't own a horse and buggy. I had to get on this ship.
As the line moved forward, I wondered where I was going to travel to. Having no idea about the world in real life, gave me a sense of excitement. The man and his wife in front of me were now talking to another white man who was shorter and on the larger side. His skin was pale as snow, and his brown hair was thinning at the top. He wore a white shirt underneath a blue jacket. Someone had stitched the numbers 54 on the right side of the jacket and on the right side of the blue pants he wore. Getting passed him seemed to be the only way to getting on the ship. I watched the tall man in front of me give the shorter man some papers. Is that what they call money? I'd never seen money before, so I did not know what I was looking at. The shorter man took the papers, unhooked the rope behind him, and allowed the coupled to enter on the ship. I was next in line. He hooked the ropes back, turned around and seemed to be confused, when he looked at me.
"Where do you think you're going?" He spat out.
I was nervous, but I knew I could not show my fear. "I'm just trying to get on this ship, sir." I explained calmly.
He let out a huge, hearty laugh. "I don't reckon you will be doing that." He stared at me with hateful eyes. The kind of eyes Miss Katherine has. I started to fear that he knew I was a slave and thought I had run away from the plantation. "Do you have any money?" he asked, as he laughed.
"No, sir, I don't." I was so ashamed.
"Well, I guess you will have to walk to wherever it is you trying to get to. No money, no ship ride. Next!" He yelled, looking past me, as if I was no longer standing there.
I reckoned my skin color fooled him. I never thought of myself as looking as the white woman look, but I guess others can't seem to tell the difference. But, he knew from the worn clothes I was wearing that I could not afford a boat ride or any other ride for that matter. How am I suppose to get outta here, when I have no idea how to get outta here? I turned around and almost ran into the woman behind me. When I looked into her eyes, I felt like I knew her. Something familiar about her eyes to me. "Excuse me, Ma'am." I said nervously, as I rushed passed her.
"Wait, little one!" She called out to me. I turned around and looked into her eyes again. She gazed at me, tilted her head slightly to the right, smiled and walked toward me. She had the most beautiful smile. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen other than my mother. She was a white woman, and it seemed strange that she would be talking to me. She walked slowly towards me, her long straight black hair blowing in the nightly breeze. Her lips were the color of scarlet and her eyes like fresh ripe pecans. She was tall and slender and moved with grace. I felt a cold flush of fear, as I realized she probably knew me from the plantation. She probably wanted to take me back. But, I can't go back. I can never go back. I was panicking in my mind, and she seemed to sense my emotion. She stood in front of me, rubbed the side of my face with her cold hand. "Where you trying to run off to, little one?" She asked, as she held my gaze. I felt a wave of sickness wash over me. I was caught. I could not let her take me back to the plantation. "Well, speak up." She commanded in a soft tone.
"Nowhere, Ma'am. I was just.........
"What be yo name, little one?" she interrupted.
I knew it was over. I tried to think of a lie, but instead, "Emma, Ma'am. Emma Thorne-Persley." The truth came out.
"Well, Mrs Emma Thorne-Persley, such a pretty name for a pretty girl." She smiled at me again, and I didn't know what to think. "Now tell me where you running off to."
I was nervous and scared. But, if this was going to be it, I might as well say something. "I have to get outta here, Ma'am."
"What fo'?" She sounded concern, but I knew I could not trust no human.
"I just do. I can't stay here no longer. I have to as soon as possible. I was hoping it would be tonight, but my plans may have to wait until I can make enough money to buy a ride on that boat."
She was watching me, hanging on to my every word, giving me her full attention. "Well," she finally said, "If you want to get on this here boat, you can get on with me."
I was confused. "But, that man just.........
She interrupted again. "Oh, neva mind what he said. He just like a lil dog, big bark no bite." This made me smile a little. "Now come on." She grabbed my hand, and we shuffled our way to the front of the line.
When the man at the rope saw me again, he stepped in front of me and blocked me from moving forward. "I thought I told you, you ain't getting on this boat!" he barked viciously. I took a few steps back and felt someone place a hand in my back. It was the mystery woman. I looked at her and she could see my fear. She gave me a wink and made a gesture for me to step aside, as she took her place in front of me.
"Excuse me, sir." She was calm and pleasant. The man at the rope was speaking to another man, when he turned and looked in our direction again. "I would really be grateful to you, if you let me and my youngen on board this here boat." Youngen? Did she really think she could fool him with this story? Although she was pleasant, I could see from the look in his eyes he wasn't going to be. Just as the scowl began to form on his face, the woman placed her left hand on his right shoulder and looked him dead in his eyes. I just knew I was gone hang for this. The mystery woman would be just fine, since she was a white, but my fate was sealed. But, instead of an act of violence from the man at the rope, the woman began whispering in his ear. I watched as his shoulders went from rigid to relaxed. His voice went from vicious to calm. His face was turning red, as he gave a pleasing smile to the mystery woman.
"Well, yes ma'am. You and your youngen very welcome to board this ship." He stated, as he continued to gaze at her.
I was scared to move. How was this happening? He actually believed that I am the child of a white woman? He really is stupid. I watched as he unhooked the rope and allowed the mystery woman and I to pass. Once the ropes were hooked behind us, I never looked back.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
THE LIFE: CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SIX: THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED
I awoke in a cold dark place. As I sat up and gained a little focus, I was staring at a wall made of stone and clay. Where am I? I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes to banish the remaining sleep that was still lingering. I focused on the wall again. Clay and stone and writings on the walls that were unfamiliar to me. I felt a sharp chill in every part of my being. I was sitting on a bed of cold stone, but I could not remember how I got here. My eyes were adjusting more to the dark, as I continued to take in my surroundings. I could smell death all around me. I could hear something outside disturbing the wind. I could hear footsteps and raindrops. I climbed off of the cold stone, my bare feet stood in cold dirt. I took a few steps forward, looked to my left and then to my right. I could not walk any farther. Laying on the floor on either side of me, were skeletons. There were ten on each side of the wall. They lay on their backs with their arms folded across their chests. I was horrified! As I looked at each one I noticed some of the men held crosses, women held what was left of their infants, but most were lying there, as if they were sleeping. A crypt. I'm in a crypt. Just as the realization became apparent, the door of the crypt opened up. It was Victoria.
"Child, you in here?" I could hear the nervousness in her voice. I could hear her heart beating, as if she was frightened. She was carrying a dim lit lantern, as she shuffled about inside. I could feel her every move. "Child, you hear me calling to you?" She was frightened.
I was standing no more than five feet away from her. "I'm here, Victoria." At the sound of my voice, she jumped and gasped and stood in place for a moment to compose herself.
"I tell you, child, no matter how many times I comes to this place, it don't get no easier." She sat the lantern down, and I could clearly see now that I had been laying on a vault. She looked at me and gave a long once over. "How you feel, suga?"
"Confused, scared, out of place. How do you think I feel? I woke up in a crypt, Victoria!"
"Shhh. Keep your voice down. I ain't talking bout yo mental mind. How yo body feel?"
"Why do I have to keep my voice down?" I was agitated.
"Cause you among the dead, child."
"Doubt I would wake them no matter if I was to scream."
"That ain't the reason. Now answer my question. How yo body feel?" She walked toward me slowly.
"Fine I guess. Victoria, why am I in a crypt?" I walked toward her and noticed her recoil, as I got closer.
"Because you dead, child." She was looking into my eyes, watching my emotions, waiting for me to speak, walking closer to me.
That news was very disturbing. "Dead? How am I dead, and I'm standing here talking to you?" She is crazy.
"You lay here cause you dead. You talking to me cause I bring you back from the dead." She waited for my reaction. When I did not say anything, she continued about her business. "Now come on. I bring clothes fo' you to change into. I gotta get you outta here befo' first light."
I looked at her with disbelief. "Victoria, what have you done? You faked my death so that I could run away? Was there another way to do this? A better way maybe?" She was reaching into the homemade satchel, grabbing the clothes, tossing them to me. Most of the items fell in the dirt next to me or onto my feet. "Victoria!" I shouted angrily. My jaws clenched, and my eyes were fixed on her. "Victoria, where is Jonathan and my baby? Where is my family?"
She looked at me and then at the items that had fallen in the dirt. She looked up and met my cold gaze. "Child, Jonathan and the baby up at the house. Now hurry and dress. We ain't got no time to be wasting." She went back to her business, pulling other items out of another satchel. "I fetched you some things for your journey. They be in this here sack."
I could hear every word, but I did not understand anything Victoria was telling me. She walked toward me and grabbed my arm to get my attention. I jerked away from her, and I could see in her eyes how frightened she was. Through clenched teeth, I asked again, "Victoria, where is my husband and my baby? Why are they not with you?"
Without any hesitation or pause, she said, "Because you dead to them, dat's why. Now get to moving. We gotta go."
She finished getting me dressed, as I stood motionless, like a statue. I could not believe what I was hearing. "But, I'm not really dead. Jonathan has to know that." I was starting to move slowly, as Victoria guided me through the doors of the crypt.
"Oh, you really dead, suga. Believe me. Ain't nothing fake about it."
"But how? Why?"
"Child, you asked me for a way out. I give it to you. This is what you wanted. Remember?" Victoria was pulling my arm and walking as fast as she could.
"But.......
"Listen child, that medicine I give to you while you was with yo sucka, was no medicine. It was bits of poison, so you was already dying, just slower. That be why I told you how to take it and when to take it. I had to make sure you didn't kill yoself befo' time. That be why I told you to take the last of it when yo water come outta you. I knowed you was bout to give birth. Everything had to be just right. I knowed it would kill you, but I had to be sho' the baby would survive. The last glass jar I give to you to drank was blood. Not just any blood. This be special, like magic blood. It been in my generation since the beginning. It be what bring you back from the dead."
Hearing this made me stop, and Victoria was startled. She looked to the east and became very nervous and agitated. "Victoria, you know this was not the deal we made! You know this was not the deal!" I became frantic and my body began to shake uncontrollably.
Victoria walked close to me, her nose almost touching my face. "The deal was for me to help you escape the life you had, and I done that." Her words were strong and firm.
"But you never told me how." I began to cry.
"And, you never asked." She stated as a matter of fact. She grabbed my arm again and we continued through the graveyard, as if in a race against time. " We gotta hurry fo' the sun come up." Victoria kept repeating.
"But, I thought......
"You thought you was gone get something in this life for free", Victoria interrupted me. "Well, let this be a lesson well learned. There ain't nothing in this life for free. Sides, I told you all magic come at a price. Now stop slowing us down with all this nonsense talking.
My mind was traveling so fast I could hardly keep up with it. My husband. My baby. My life. All gone. Gone because I was too selfish to realize that my life was not bad at all compared to this. I stopped again, which infuriated Victoria. "I ain't gave my baby no name. How they gone know what to call her?"
Victoria's frustration was increasing and her patience thinning. "Tell you what, you wanna name yo baby, fine." She tore off a portion of her apron and pulled a jar out of one of the satchel. "Open that jar, dip yo finger in that blood. The first thing come to yo mind, you draw it on this here cloth."
"Why I got to draw it? I can just write it."
"You draw it cause I can't read, and you draw it cause Miss Katherine don't know you can. We don't need her thinking you was teaching all the niggas how to read now do we? You draw it out, I shows it to yo husband, yo husband will respect yo wishes."
I was reluctant to abide, but it was all I could do. I knew what I wanted my baby to be called as soon as I held her in my arms. I dipped my finger in the blood and drew a symbol on the cloth, as Victoria told me to do. "Victoria, what am I? How am I dead and alive at the same time? Everything about this seems wrong." Victoria placed the cloth in her bosom, and we started back on our journey to what seemed to be nowhere. "How will I survive on my own. I'm only seventeen."
Without missing a step, Victoria explained to me, "You only sixteen.You died the day befo' yo birthday. Remember?"
I thought for a moment and realized she was telling the truth. My baby was born the day before my birthday.
"So, what do you mean by this, Victoria? I'll never have another birthday?" I was still confused and scratching my brain for answers because Victoria was not giving me anything I could use.
"No more birthdays for you, child. I don't know how many times I can 'splain to you that you be dead. Dead folks don't have birthdays."
"But, what about my life. How will I age? How will I........
Victoria stopped again and looked at me. I could see her frustration replaced with pity. "Suga, you will never age another day in yo dead life. Fo' you, this is it. You are no longer a human being. You can no longer walk among the living in the daylight. You what my ancestors call Ambrogino. That be the meaning of little immortal one."
"But, I don't know what that means. Victoria, what am I?" I felt exhausted in my mind.
When we stopped again, we were at the gates of the cemetery. Victoria took three satchels off of her arm and gave them to me. She looked at me, as if to explain everything I needed to know, and said, "I calls you vampire. You be a creature of the night. Yo food, as you know it don't matter no mo'. Yo food be blood now. This will be the only thing that keep you strong. You will feed on any living animal. Neva feed on anything dead, cause that will kill you foreva'. Neva feed on humans. Humans will fo'eva be off limits to you. This is very important, child. You gotta hunt yo food from now on. When you feed, be sho' to stop before the animal dies or you will die with it. Your pure senses will teach you how. Yo shelter will be anything dark and cold. The colder and darker the better. You sleep in the day and hunt at night. You ain't eva gone be able to walk in the sunlight like you did befo'. The sunlight ain't yo friend. Yo body is not what it was. Ain't nothing bout you what it was. You gotta protect yo body at all costs. If you find yo'self hurt and you start to feel ill, you have to get to living blood right away to heal or you will die foreva. Yo body will heal, because the living blood is yo lifeline to this world.
When you be out hunting, beware of all things round bout you. Everything will look different to you until you gets used to it. You will always have people after you, looking to destroy you. Cause of this you ain't gone be able to stay in one place for more than ten years. Remember yo looks will neva change. The way you look now is the way you will look for the rest of yo days on this earth. You can neva let no person know what you is. There be others like you, but not many. Most been caught and burned. Some got they heads chopped clean off. Both killings be a true death fo' you. Some may try to stab you in the heart. This will not kill you, but it will make you not be able to move. If this happen, you won't be able to pull out whateva they stab you with. If ain't no body around to help you, you will die of starvation. Make no mistake, child, in this new world you in, ain't nobody yo friend." Victoria turned to look into my eyes, "Nobody yo friend." She repeated.
"Member to rely on yo senses from now on. This will give you a upper hand on thems that hunt you. Yo senses be like animals now. You can hear like wolves and catch a scent like em' too. Yo eyes be like thems of the eagles. You have the strength of 100 mighty men. You gotta teach yo'self how to control it. That kind of strength got to be yo best kept secret."
"Victoria, why do I keep hearing bells or something like music in my ears, when I speak?"
"That be the sound of your own voice. The sound will linger about, but you gots to learn to tune it out."
"But, I don't understand. It's such a beautiful sound. Why is this the first time I am hearing it?"
"Because you finally understand the world you be in now. You finally understand that you be different from what you knowed yesterday. You finally understand that you be a vampire. Yo voice is for charming your way to safety. It be calm and serene like. Almost like music. When you need to use it, you will know how." She explained in haste, as she looked to the east again.
"Is that how you hear me? Do I sound like music to you?"
"No. You hear it cause it be you. You get used to it. I don't hear it cause I be the one who made you what you is. I be safe from you."
"What about the others? Are you safe from them too?"
"Only the ones I made. No mo'." When she knew she could explain no more to me, she gave me the last important piece of advice. "When you get to where you is going, you can't neva marry, you can't neva have relations with another human again cause you ain't one. You can only have relations with yo own kind and they be few and far between. You can't neva be with child again because everything in you is dead. If you got mo' questions, ask me now. The sun bout to come up."
But, I had so many questions. "No questions. I understand." I lied.
"Good! Remember the deal. Once you gone, you stay gone." And, with those words, Victoria turned on her heels and started her journey back through the cemetery and toward the mansion. Back to my husband and my baby. Back to the life I was now leaving behind forever.
I awoke in a cold dark place. As I sat up and gained a little focus, I was staring at a wall made of stone and clay. Where am I? I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes to banish the remaining sleep that was still lingering. I focused on the wall again. Clay and stone and writings on the walls that were unfamiliar to me. I felt a sharp chill in every part of my being. I was sitting on a bed of cold stone, but I could not remember how I got here. My eyes were adjusting more to the dark, as I continued to take in my surroundings. I could smell death all around me. I could hear something outside disturbing the wind. I could hear footsteps and raindrops. I climbed off of the cold stone, my bare feet stood in cold dirt. I took a few steps forward, looked to my left and then to my right. I could not walk any farther. Laying on the floor on either side of me, were skeletons. There were ten on each side of the wall. They lay on their backs with their arms folded across their chests. I was horrified! As I looked at each one I noticed some of the men held crosses, women held what was left of their infants, but most were lying there, as if they were sleeping. A crypt. I'm in a crypt. Just as the realization became apparent, the door of the crypt opened up. It was Victoria.
"Child, you in here?" I could hear the nervousness in her voice. I could hear her heart beating, as if she was frightened. She was carrying a dim lit lantern, as she shuffled about inside. I could feel her every move. "Child, you hear me calling to you?" She was frightened.
I was standing no more than five feet away from her. "I'm here, Victoria." At the sound of my voice, she jumped and gasped and stood in place for a moment to compose herself.
"I tell you, child, no matter how many times I comes to this place, it don't get no easier." She sat the lantern down, and I could clearly see now that I had been laying on a vault. She looked at me and gave a long once over. "How you feel, suga?"
"Confused, scared, out of place. How do you think I feel? I woke up in a crypt, Victoria!"
"Shhh. Keep your voice down. I ain't talking bout yo mental mind. How yo body feel?"
"Why do I have to keep my voice down?" I was agitated.
"Cause you among the dead, child."
"Doubt I would wake them no matter if I was to scream."
"That ain't the reason. Now answer my question. How yo body feel?" She walked toward me slowly.
"Fine I guess. Victoria, why am I in a crypt?" I walked toward her and noticed her recoil, as I got closer.
"Because you dead, child." She was looking into my eyes, watching my emotions, waiting for me to speak, walking closer to me.
That news was very disturbing. "Dead? How am I dead, and I'm standing here talking to you?" She is crazy.
"You lay here cause you dead. You talking to me cause I bring you back from the dead." She waited for my reaction. When I did not say anything, she continued about her business. "Now come on. I bring clothes fo' you to change into. I gotta get you outta here befo' first light."
I looked at her with disbelief. "Victoria, what have you done? You faked my death so that I could run away? Was there another way to do this? A better way maybe?" She was reaching into the homemade satchel, grabbing the clothes, tossing them to me. Most of the items fell in the dirt next to me or onto my feet. "Victoria!" I shouted angrily. My jaws clenched, and my eyes were fixed on her. "Victoria, where is Jonathan and my baby? Where is my family?"
She looked at me and then at the items that had fallen in the dirt. She looked up and met my cold gaze. "Child, Jonathan and the baby up at the house. Now hurry and dress. We ain't got no time to be wasting." She went back to her business, pulling other items out of another satchel. "I fetched you some things for your journey. They be in this here sack."
I could hear every word, but I did not understand anything Victoria was telling me. She walked toward me and grabbed my arm to get my attention. I jerked away from her, and I could see in her eyes how frightened she was. Through clenched teeth, I asked again, "Victoria, where is my husband and my baby? Why are they not with you?"
Without any hesitation or pause, she said, "Because you dead to them, dat's why. Now get to moving. We gotta go."
She finished getting me dressed, as I stood motionless, like a statue. I could not believe what I was hearing. "But, I'm not really dead. Jonathan has to know that." I was starting to move slowly, as Victoria guided me through the doors of the crypt.
"Oh, you really dead, suga. Believe me. Ain't nothing fake about it."
"But how? Why?"
"Child, you asked me for a way out. I give it to you. This is what you wanted. Remember?" Victoria was pulling my arm and walking as fast as she could.
"But.......
"Listen child, that medicine I give to you while you was with yo sucka, was no medicine. It was bits of poison, so you was already dying, just slower. That be why I told you how to take it and when to take it. I had to make sure you didn't kill yoself befo' time. That be why I told you to take the last of it when yo water come outta you. I knowed you was bout to give birth. Everything had to be just right. I knowed it would kill you, but I had to be sho' the baby would survive. The last glass jar I give to you to drank was blood. Not just any blood. This be special, like magic blood. It been in my generation since the beginning. It be what bring you back from the dead."
Hearing this made me stop, and Victoria was startled. She looked to the east and became very nervous and agitated. "Victoria, you know this was not the deal we made! You know this was not the deal!" I became frantic and my body began to shake uncontrollably.
Victoria walked close to me, her nose almost touching my face. "The deal was for me to help you escape the life you had, and I done that." Her words were strong and firm.
"But you never told me how." I began to cry.
"And, you never asked." She stated as a matter of fact. She grabbed my arm again and we continued through the graveyard, as if in a race against time. " We gotta hurry fo' the sun come up." Victoria kept repeating.
"But, I thought......
"You thought you was gone get something in this life for free", Victoria interrupted me. "Well, let this be a lesson well learned. There ain't nothing in this life for free. Sides, I told you all magic come at a price. Now stop slowing us down with all this nonsense talking.
My mind was traveling so fast I could hardly keep up with it. My husband. My baby. My life. All gone. Gone because I was too selfish to realize that my life was not bad at all compared to this. I stopped again, which infuriated Victoria. "I ain't gave my baby no name. How they gone know what to call her?"
Victoria's frustration was increasing and her patience thinning. "Tell you what, you wanna name yo baby, fine." She tore off a portion of her apron and pulled a jar out of one of the satchel. "Open that jar, dip yo finger in that blood. The first thing come to yo mind, you draw it on this here cloth."
"Why I got to draw it? I can just write it."
"You draw it cause I can't read, and you draw it cause Miss Katherine don't know you can. We don't need her thinking you was teaching all the niggas how to read now do we? You draw it out, I shows it to yo husband, yo husband will respect yo wishes."
I was reluctant to abide, but it was all I could do. I knew what I wanted my baby to be called as soon as I held her in my arms. I dipped my finger in the blood and drew a symbol on the cloth, as Victoria told me to do. "Victoria, what am I? How am I dead and alive at the same time? Everything about this seems wrong." Victoria placed the cloth in her bosom, and we started back on our journey to what seemed to be nowhere. "How will I survive on my own. I'm only seventeen."
Without missing a step, Victoria explained to me, "You only sixteen.You died the day befo' yo birthday. Remember?"
I thought for a moment and realized she was telling the truth. My baby was born the day before my birthday.
"So, what do you mean by this, Victoria? I'll never have another birthday?" I was still confused and scratching my brain for answers because Victoria was not giving me anything I could use.
"No more birthdays for you, child. I don't know how many times I can 'splain to you that you be dead. Dead folks don't have birthdays."
"But, what about my life. How will I age? How will I........
Victoria stopped again and looked at me. I could see her frustration replaced with pity. "Suga, you will never age another day in yo dead life. Fo' you, this is it. You are no longer a human being. You can no longer walk among the living in the daylight. You what my ancestors call Ambrogino. That be the meaning of little immortal one."
"But, I don't know what that means. Victoria, what am I?" I felt exhausted in my mind.
When we stopped again, we were at the gates of the cemetery. Victoria took three satchels off of her arm and gave them to me. She looked at me, as if to explain everything I needed to know, and said, "I calls you vampire. You be a creature of the night. Yo food, as you know it don't matter no mo'. Yo food be blood now. This will be the only thing that keep you strong. You will feed on any living animal. Neva feed on anything dead, cause that will kill you foreva'. Neva feed on humans. Humans will fo'eva be off limits to you. This is very important, child. You gotta hunt yo food from now on. When you feed, be sho' to stop before the animal dies or you will die with it. Your pure senses will teach you how. Yo shelter will be anything dark and cold. The colder and darker the better. You sleep in the day and hunt at night. You ain't eva gone be able to walk in the sunlight like you did befo'. The sunlight ain't yo friend. Yo body is not what it was. Ain't nothing bout you what it was. You gotta protect yo body at all costs. If you find yo'self hurt and you start to feel ill, you have to get to living blood right away to heal or you will die foreva. Yo body will heal, because the living blood is yo lifeline to this world.
When you be out hunting, beware of all things round bout you. Everything will look different to you until you gets used to it. You will always have people after you, looking to destroy you. Cause of this you ain't gone be able to stay in one place for more than ten years. Remember yo looks will neva change. The way you look now is the way you will look for the rest of yo days on this earth. You can neva let no person know what you is. There be others like you, but not many. Most been caught and burned. Some got they heads chopped clean off. Both killings be a true death fo' you. Some may try to stab you in the heart. This will not kill you, but it will make you not be able to move. If this happen, you won't be able to pull out whateva they stab you with. If ain't no body around to help you, you will die of starvation. Make no mistake, child, in this new world you in, ain't nobody yo friend." Victoria turned to look into my eyes, "Nobody yo friend." She repeated.
"Member to rely on yo senses from now on. This will give you a upper hand on thems that hunt you. Yo senses be like animals now. You can hear like wolves and catch a scent like em' too. Yo eyes be like thems of the eagles. You have the strength of 100 mighty men. You gotta teach yo'self how to control it. That kind of strength got to be yo best kept secret."
"Victoria, why do I keep hearing bells or something like music in my ears, when I speak?"
"That be the sound of your own voice. The sound will linger about, but you gots to learn to tune it out."
"But, I don't understand. It's such a beautiful sound. Why is this the first time I am hearing it?"
"Because you finally understand the world you be in now. You finally understand that you be different from what you knowed yesterday. You finally understand that you be a vampire. Yo voice is for charming your way to safety. It be calm and serene like. Almost like music. When you need to use it, you will know how." She explained in haste, as she looked to the east again.
"Is that how you hear me? Do I sound like music to you?"
"No. You hear it cause it be you. You get used to it. I don't hear it cause I be the one who made you what you is. I be safe from you."
"What about the others? Are you safe from them too?"
"Only the ones I made. No mo'." When she knew she could explain no more to me, she gave me the last important piece of advice. "When you get to where you is going, you can't neva marry, you can't neva have relations with another human again cause you ain't one. You can only have relations with yo own kind and they be few and far between. You can't neva be with child again because everything in you is dead. If you got mo' questions, ask me now. The sun bout to come up."
But, I had so many questions. "No questions. I understand." I lied.
"Good! Remember the deal. Once you gone, you stay gone." And, with those words, Victoria turned on her heels and started her journey back through the cemetery and toward the mansion. Back to my husband and my baby. Back to the life I was now leaving behind forever.
Friday, May 23, 2014
THE LIFE: CHAPTER FIVE
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
I woke up just in time to hear the phone ringing. A refreshing sleep is always good after you break almost every bone in your body. As soon I reached over to grab my cell, it stopped ringing. I saw the missed call was from Grace. Great! I was reluctant to call her back, but I knew she would just keep calling until I graced her with my voice. After our lengthy conversation about nothing, I made my way downstairs to check on my house guest, but she was gone. Oh no! Now is not the time to go into panic mode. Who was I kidding? Now is the perfect time for panic! I knew this was too much for her to handle. I paced back and forth in my living room, my mind racing a thousand miles a minute. What am I going to do? She knows my secret. What if she tells someone? What if she tries to kill me? What if.....My thought was broken, when I heard my front door open. Someone was entering my apartment unauthorized. Could this be my downfall? I automatically went into defense mode, exposing my fangs, jumping and clinging to my vaulted ceiling. Imagine my relief, when I saw Delores entering the kitchen with an arm full of take out food bags. Food. Just what I need right now. She caught a glimpse of me, as I jumped down from the ceiling. My heart was racing, and I knew I had scared her.
"Delores, what the hell?" I was more relieved than upset.
"I'm sorry., but were you just on the freaking ceiling? And you ask ME what the hell?"
"I'm sorry." I realized my insensitivity toward the new life she has just entered into. "You have every right to be scared or upset or whatever."
"I'm sorry." I realized my insensitivity toward the new life she has just entered into. "You have every right to be scared or upset or whatever."
"You did scare the crap outta me! And, thank you for recognizing the fact that I have a right to the way I feel or don't feel or whatever. To answer your question, I left to go home. I needed to shower and change, and I bought food. I thought you might be hungry." My silence allowed her to think. "I'm sorry. I forgot you don't eat food."
"No, no. I eat food. Just not as much as humans. Food and alcohol helps to keep my hunger for blood at bay."
"So, why do you need blood, if you can eat food?" She asked. She carefully watched me, as, I went to my China cabinet and retrieved two plates from my Flora Danica collection . I opened a drawer and pulled out gold utensils and placed them on the counter. She looked toward me with a shocking look on her face.
"Because, Delores, please refer to our earlier conversation." I walked into the sitting area to retrieve a couple of Gorham LadyAnne glasses from the 16th century globe wooden bar with a wine and glass holder.
"Oh, right. For survival." I saw the way she was watching my every move.
"Something on your mid, Delores?" I asked, as I walked back over to the bar. I'm getting a little forgetful these days. This is highly unusual for my kind.
"Astrid, what is that?" She was pointing at the counter.
"It's called dinnerware. Do you not own any?"
"This is not just any dinnerware. Do you know how much this kinda stuff goes for on Ebay?"
"No idea, what Ebay is." I grabbed our drink and came back to the counter and stood in front of Delores.
"You don't know what Ebay is? Astrid, have you been living under a rock?"
"Yeah. For a long time. Funny you should ask." I poured a healthy glass of Remy Martin Cognac Black Pearl Louis XIII. I handed the glass to her, I took a sip and savored the taste before I spoke again. She looked at me with wide eyes.
"Wow! How do you afford that kind of luxury on your salary? I mean, I know you get payed more than I do, but how?"
"No idea, what Ebay is." I grabbed our drink and came back to the counter and stood in front of Delores.
"You don't know what Ebay is? Astrid, have you been living under a rock?"
"Yeah. For a long time. Funny you should ask." I poured a healthy glass of Remy Martin Cognac Black Pearl Louis XIII. I handed the glass to her, I took a sip and savored the taste before I spoke again. She looked at me with wide eyes.
"Wow! How do you afford that kind of luxury on your salary? I mean, I know you get payed more than I do, but how?"
"Again, Delores, our conversation from earlier. I've been walking this earth for two hundred years. I should have something to show for it. Don't you think?"
"That makes more sense than the explanation in my head." She continued to the table with the bags of food. "I'm sorry, Astrid. I'm new to all of this. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be besides you." I ignored her and looked inside the bags she decided to place on the island. Thai food, my favorite. "I didn't know what to get, so I just got my favorite." She added.
"That's fine." I said, as I took a healthy bite of the Thai red curry chicken. It was good and spicy. Just what I needed. "Thank you for the food, Delores." I managed to say through bites.
"No problem. Just save some for me."
I gave her a thumbs up. "Oh, before I forget. Grace called....
I gave her a thumbs up. "Oh, before I forget. Grace called....
"Oh no! Not tonight!" Delores had beautiful hazel eyes that seemed to glean, when she was annoyed.
"No, it's nothing like that. No double shift. As a matter of fact, no shift at all for us tonight. Grace told me she was working with some interns, and we could take the night off, since we worked a double shift last night." I took another sip from my glass.
"Thank God! That woman knows how to get me riled up." She began eating some of the curry chicken before she realized what we were actually drinking. "Astrid, that looks like an expensive bottle of cognac. How much did you pay for that?"
I took another sip. "As the old saying goes, 'if you have to ask, you can't afford it'." I smiled and held up my glass as if to say 'cheers'.
"I know I can't afford it. So, how much did it cost?" As curious as ever.
"Nothing."
"B.S. . That bottle is at least $40, 000."
"This bottle was given to me by Paul-Emil Remy Martin in 1874." I took another sip.
"Wait! Are you telling me that THE Remy Martin gave that to you?"
"What did you hear, Delores?"
"Oh my God! This is amazing! Wow! How did you meet him? I mean, what happened... I mean....I don't know what I mean. Just tell me the story. Please!" She was starry eyed like a school girl with her first crush.
"Calm down, Delores. We were just friends. He was my best friend, actually." I picked up my glass without any real attempt of drinking from it. I haven't mentioned his name in so many years. Thoughts of him flooded my mind, and I had to choke back tears. Now was not the time to ride down memory lane. Especially on these tires. I had to steer this conversation in another direction. "You know what, we should make a toast." I told her, as I poured a glass for her.
"Toast to what?" She took the glass, sniffed the amber liquid inside, closed her eyes and smiled.
"We should toast to reality. May it screw you over every time you think you have a handle on it."
"Cheers." We both raised our glasses. We smiled and indulged ourselves in nothing but Thai.
********************************************************************************
After we ate, we made our way into the living room. I grabbed the remote and clicked on my 90 inch television. Delores and I both sat at the same time. We were full and she was a little tipsy. I looked at my sofa and thought about cleaning it. Forget it. I'll just buy another one. My heart started to flutter uneasily. I reluctantly reached for the remote and turned off the television.
"What is it, Delores?" I asked without looking at her. I began wrapping my hair into a ponytail, letting her know I was relaxed, so she should be, also.
She looked shocked. "How did you know I wanted to ask you something?"
"The thing, with the heartbeat."
"Mine?"
"Ours."
"Beat together?"
"Yep."
"So, you knew?"
"Kind of...yeah." I stated sarcastically, as I sat back in my chair.
"That's amazing!" she exclaimed.
"Great."
"So, you know what I'm about to ask you?"
"It doesn't work like that, Delores."
"How does it work?"
I sighed. "By me asking you what's on your mind and you telling me."
"So, no telepathy then?"
"Nope. But, if you'd like, I can give you a free psychic reading of what's in your near future, if you don't answer my question." I stated in an aggravated, yet polite tone. "Before you start this next series of interrogations, please, oh please try to absorb as much information as you possible can. Repetition is not my strong suit."
"Yeah, I know. You taught me that my first day as your assistant." She stated matter-of-factly.
It's true. Delores learned more about autopsies during her first two weeks working with me than most people learn in two months. I explained my methods to her on her first day at work, as soon as she clocked in, before she had a chance to speak and introduce herself. Those rules included: Once you clock in it's time to work; take advantage of your breaks..you WILL learn to appreciate them; If you need something, and you do not see it, ask. I am not above helping you, but if you ask a stupid question, you WILL get a stupid answer; I can do this job myself, so I DO NOT need you here; Listen to everything I say and take as many notes as you can because under no circumstances do I repeat myself; Be on time. I do not like starting my shift late because you missed the bus, got a flat tire or missed your flight. Leave your place of residence in enough time to account for any surprises or obstacles you may face on your way to work; Be professional as you can toward everyone here, Grace being the exception; Do your job, so I can do mine.
"I'm all ears, Delores."
She adjusted herself in her chair to get comfortable. "Well, where are you from?"
"I'm from here. Next question."
"You've lived here for two hundred years?"
"That would cause just a teensy bit amount of curiosity. Don't you think?"
"Well, how so?"
"Probably because I stopped aging at twenty-five. So, some people may think of that as being a little weird. You know, me not aging."
"Oh, right. I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing. Next question."
"So, where have you lived?"
This could take a while. So, instead of speaking on all of the placed I've traveled, I decided to just go with the ones that meant the most to me. "I lived in Milan....
"Italy?"
"Do you know of another?"
"No. Sorry for the interruption."
"Stop apologizing."
"Right. Sor....
I shot a glance at her. She realized her error.
"I lived in Milan for ten years. After that I traveled to La Rochelle, France. Since French is part of my heritage, I spent my time there embracing every piece of the culture I could fit inside my brain."
"Must have been amazing." Delores was sitting on the edge of her chair, listening intently, hanging on my every word.
"Yes, it was."
"How long did you stay in France?"
"Fifteen years. I would have stayed longer, but some of the locals were starting to notice my unchanging appearance. After that I spent eight years in Skive, Denmark."
"Milan seems to be out of your comfort zone with so many people there. What made you stay for ten years?" She knew me well.
"Milan actually taught me all about my comfort level. I was from a small town, and I didn't know anything other than that. Before I moved there, I was just drifting from one small town to the next. For a while, I didn't really know where I was going."
"So, what about family? Did you ever travel with anyone or were you always alone?" I sighed at the thought of answering this line of questioning. To be honest, I've only spoken about my life to one person, after it changed so dramatically. "If these questions are hard for you, you don't have to answer them." Delores was looking at me with concern in her big hazel eyes. Her sentiment was an attempt to get me to relax. She had that way about her.
"No, no family. I was an only child."
"Do you remember your mother and father?"
"Vaguely. It's been almost 200 years. When you are a vampire, the power of it consumes you. I was constantly in battle with what was left of my soul everyday to hold on to my humanity. In order for me to do that, I had to allow some things to slip through the cracks. I couldn't hold on to everything. Only the things that were important to me."
"So, your family were not important enough?"
"No." I allowed my answer to sink in.
"So, can you fly?"
I was taken aback by the shift in the questions. "Can I fly? Where did that come from?"
"When I came in, you were on the ceiling. Remember?" I forgot about that. "So, can you?"
"No. vampires cannot fly, and we don't morph into bats either. But I can jump pretty high."
"Oh! Like Spider man?" She was too excited about this.
"Sure. Let's go with that. Why not?"
"Do you.....
"I have a question for you, Delores." I interrupted.
"Sure. You can ask me anything." She was caught off guard.
"Why are you not afraid of me. I mean, you know what I am. Does that not scare the living crap out of you?"
"Actually, I got over my fear of you two years ago. You were a hard pill to swallow, when we first met. But, after a while, I began to understand your personality, and you became my friend. It would be kind of icky of me to revert back into a cocoon now. Don't you think? I mean, it's not like you're one of those horrible vampire I've seen on television."
"How do you know that?" I could tell this question shocked her. Her body became tense. Her heartbeat faster.
"What do you mean?" She tried to be calm about it, but I knew she was getting a little out of her comfort zone.
"A few hours ago, you didn't know I was a vampire. What makes you so sure you know what kind of vampire I am?"
"Well, for starters, you've been a vampire all this time, and you've never tried to bite me or whatever it is vampires actually do." She sound nervous. "So either I repulse you or I'm right about you. Oh my God! Please don't tell me that even a vampire is repulsed by me. Please let me be right on this one."
I gave a slight chuckle. "Nothing to fear, Delores. You are right. And, no, you do not repulse me. Actually I cannot understand why you think you repulse anyone."
"Really? Please refer to our conversation from earlier." We both laughed. "Actually I think I'm more jealous of you now."
"Jealous of me? Why on earth would you have that kind of emotion?"
"Because you are what you are. You will always be beautiful, and you get to live forever. I would give anything to have a life like that. I wish we could trade places." She sulked.
"Be careful what you wish for, Delores. This life is a curse not a gift. I've watched everyone I ever loved and cared about die. Death is part of the circle of life. Without experiencing it, are we actually living or just being alive?"
THE LIFE: CHAPTER FOUR
1770 : EMMA & JONATHAN PERSLEY
My life was filled with shame. I never spoke a word to anyone about Master Thorne being my father. I barely spoke a word to anyone about anything. It was too much too bare; too much to take in. How could my mother lie to me? WHY did she lie to me? I wanted to scream and yell at someone, anyone, but no one was there. I was alone; no family, no friends, no hope. I continued to go about my daily chores and kept my head down. One day, as I was busy in the kitchen preparing the evening meal, Elder Victoria walked in. She was always around eaves dropping and doing God knows what else. I didn't trust her for nothing. I never said anything to her. I just kept to myself, so imagine my surprise, when she spoke to me on this day.
"I can help, you know." She was staring at me as if she could see through my very soul. Her presence made me uneasy and more fearful. The longer I stared at her, I could see the evil she was made of.
"How do you mean?" I managed to allow a frighten whisper to escape. "I ain't in needa no help." I went about stirring the pot of red cabbage, pretending not to pay any attention to her standing behind me.
She laughed. "Child, I knows alls 'bout you being Massa bastard. I knowed it fo' you was even born."
I turned to look at her with hate and contempt. "Them be lies you telling." My fear was melting as my blood began to boil.
"Child, it ain't no secret to me. Yo mamma was pure bred Indian. Beautiful, long, straight hair, skin like butta, smooth just as well. Yo mamma was a beautiful sight to look on, and old Massa was always looking." She began to walk towards me, making sure to keep eye contact. "Old Benjamin knowed it too. I know yo mamma told you that Ben was yo daddy, but dat was a lie."
"Don't you be speaking ill of my mamma." I was angry, and this made Victoria laugh, showing all of the rotting, yellow, brown, and black teeth in her head. She looked like death warmed over. I watched her, as she watched me, waiting for my reaction. Her large body frame stood in front of me, casting a shadow of the demon that lived inside of her soul.
"Don't fret, little girl. Yo mamma and Ben was always good to me. We was all friendly that way; this is how I knowed the secret she was keeping from you." She walked closer to me. "I remember the day you was born. Yo mamma was so happy. But, soon as you came out yo mamma's belly, Ben knowed he wun't yo daddy."
"You telling lies. Mamma told me my daddy was killed by Master Thorne not long after I was born." I was seething. I was angry. I was ready to knock out all of her colorful teeth.
"Oh child, just another lie to cover up other lies. Ben wun't kilt by Massa. He was kilt by kin."
"Kin?"
She began walking toward me, narrowing her eyes, tilting her head, getting a closer look at me. "Yo mamma kilt Ben, suga." She was standing closely in front of me now, watching my reaction, casting an evil shadow around my thoughts.
I moved away from her as quickly as I could. "No! You telling lies! My mamma would never do nothing you speak of! My mamma loved my daddy!" I was shouting, and I could no longer control the tears flowing down my cheeks.
"You right, child. She did love yo daddy cause yo daddy is Massa Thorne. Yo mamma loved Massa James. She married yo daddy cause she didn't want to turn out being no old maid. And, ole Massa loved yo mamma too. But, yo mamma knowed Massa would neva take on a slave to be his wife. This why she took Ben on to wed."
"But, why would she kill him? What he done so awful to deserve what you say my mamma done to him?"
"Child, yo mamma kilt Ben cause he was gone kill Massa. Old Ben was fired up cause he knowed Massa was having his way wit yo mamma. What old Ben not knowed is that yo mamma neva mind, when Massa fetched fo' her. No, yo mamma wouldn't let Ben kill the man she truly loved. She couldn't let him kill yo daddy and mess up any chance you had at a mo' betta life."
"Better life? What better life?" I snapped. "How is my life better? I'm still the property of this here plantation. I still be a slave. Miss Katherine neva let me forget that!"
"But you ain't working out in that hot field like the rest of them others. You ain't being tooken advantage of by them other devilish white men that come round here looking for one of us to abuse."
"You ain't either." I snapped back.
Victoria stepped back a little."Oh, suga, you don't know how things work around here."
"I'm sixteen. Ain't much to know." I walked to the stove to poke the wood and maintain control of the fire. Old Victoria was right behind me.
"Oh, but it is much to know. See, house niggas be chose for a reason. We got something that Massa or Massa wife need."
"I don't have nothing nobody want or need. How does that make me special than any of the rest? I don't possess anything they would want."
Victoria gave a hearty laugh again. "Oh, I see them reading lessons be working fo' you." She had an eerie presence about her. Everything about her was wrong. "You...how you said....possess everythang cause you Massa bastard child. Massa loved yo mamma, and he knowed when she got the sickness, she be not long for this world. He did all he could to hope her well. He had the best physicians he knowed to come see bout her, but nothing came of it. When Massa knowed she be dead soon, he moved you and yo mamma in this here house. He needed to be close to you and to yo mamma. Dis why you here."
"But, Mamma is dead. Why he wanna keep me around?" I was more curious now than angry.
" Cause you be his blood. His kin. Massa got a huge heart fo' all of us on this here plantation, but you he love. Miss Katherine know all this. She knowed you be special to him. She neva wanted you in this house. But, as luck would have it, here you is."
"And, what about you?"
"What about me?" Victoria asked, knowing full well what I meant.
"Why you here?"
"Cause I got something Miss Katherine need."
"And what that be?"
"Magic."
"Magic? You seem to be making a fool outta me, Victoria."
"No, suga. I don't lie about magic. I don't lie about nothing."
"Ain't no such thing as magic." I contended. I walked over to the stove once more to check the red cabbage and to prepare the cornbread.
"Oh, but it is real. It be called black magic, suga. This been passed down in my family from generation to generation. Miss Katherine knowed this, that be why she fetched fo' me."
I turned to face her again. "If you be telling the truth, why Miss Katherine need some....what you call....black magic? She got all she could ever want. What mo' she asking fo'?"
"A sucka."
"Magic don't make babies. Men and women do. I ain't that young. I know where babies come from."
"You right. But, you see, Massa ain't got no mo baby making days. He got hurt, when he fall off his horse, and the doc told him he won't neva have no chullins. This was the Spring you was born.When Miss Katherine told Massa she be with child, he knowed he be not the pappy. But, he knowed she ain't be with no body else. Massa put all the pieces together, and he knowed that Miss Katherine done something against all his beliefs. He just not knowed it be me who done it fo' her. If he knowed that, he would have string me up in that old oak tree you like to sit under, and he will stand there and watch me take my last breath."
"What make you think Miss Katherine won't say nothing."
"She can't, suga."
"Why not?"
"Cause all magic comes with a price."
"What do you mean?"
"Let's just hope you neva find out." Victoria left me standing in the kitchen. She danced her way into the parlor, as she hummed a tune I was not familiar with. I followed her, when she went out of the front doors and into the garden. I was on her heels like a baby still being weened from its mamma tit.
"Tell me what you mean, when you say you can help me." Victoria was dancing around the flower, watering them, humming, as if she did not hear me. "Victoria, please. How can you help me?" She stopped what she was doing and stared at me for a while. She then went back to watering the flowers. "Victoria, please!" I begged.
"Oh, suga, you know how I can help you. You just have to ask for my help." The look on her face was more serious now, and I could almost see the demon having its way with her. But, I was desperate. I needed help from someone, and Victoria was the only one offering.
I swallowed my fear and my pride, "Please help me, Victoria. Please."
"Tell me what you need." She was walking closer to me, sizing me up, trying to see if my need was as real as I thought it was.
"I need to get outta here. I can't be here no more."
She laughed. "Child, where you think I can send you? To the moon? I ain't got them kinda powers." She continued to laugh.
"What can you do for me?"
"Let's see." She began watering the flowers again, taking her time, as she seem to see fit. "I may not be able to send you to the moon, but I can help you escape the life you have now."
"But, I can't pay you. I ain't got no money."
"Oh, suga, Victoria don't do her work fo' no money."
"Then what you want?"
She walked closer to me, casting the evil shadow over me again and whispered, "Just yo word that after you gone, you stay gone." Her words were firm, and the look in her eyes told me she was serious.
"How do that help you?" I asked, sounding as confused as I looked, no doubt.
"Neva mind how that help me. This is the deal. Take it or leave it."
I would never come back here anyway. For what? This place ain't nothing special. It's down right cursed. "Fine." I relented. "I'll take it."
"Child, you sho' gone break Massa heart." She said with a sad look on her face, while shaking her head.
"Then he should know how it feels." I was without emotion. Without any real feelings in my heart for the man who called himself my daddy. "When can you help me?"
"Oh, not for some time, child." Victoria waved me off and walked passed me back toward the house as if she was saying 'shoo fly, don't bother me'.
"What you mean? How long I gotta wait?" I was following her and becoming impatient.
"Calm down, suga. You just sixteen years old. You ain't even had yo first sucka yet." She opened the door and walked into the parlor to place fresh flowers in the vases on top the fireplace mantle and the sofa tables. I continued to follow her.
"My first sucka? I ain't got no husband. How you suppose me to have a baby?"
"In time, suga." She finished placing flowers and walked toward the kitchen to help me with supper.
"Victoria, I don't know what you want me to do."
"You let old Victoria worry bout that now. I know a man who been sweet on you fo' some time now."
"Someone sweet on me? Victoria, I got no inkling of what you speak of." I walked over to the shelf to retrieve the dinner plates and headed toward the dining room to set the table.
"Mr. Jonathan Persley been trying to call on you, but old Massa won't hear tell of it."
"Jonathan Persley? Short, stubby knuckles Jonathan Persley?"
"One and the same."
Oh, hell no! I am not marrying that man!"
Victoria let out another one of her hearty laughs. This time she held on to her fat belly as it shook uncontrollably. "Child, don't seem like you got much of a choice. If you want the deal, this is it. Take it or leave it." She continued to help me set the table, still laughing.
"I don't see how this gone happen, if Master Thorne refuse to let Mr. Persley call on me." I was hoping to gain access to the outside world a different way. Maybe sneaking out in the carriage on one of the rides to town.
"You just let old Victoria worry about that, you hear.."
"Magic?"
"Oh no, suga. Victoria got mo tricks up her sleeves. Sides, magic don't work on the ones that don't believe in it. I gotta use my wits with Massa."
*********************************************************************************
As spring turned into summer, I became impatient and on edge. Victoria kept her word and worked her charm on Master Throne. It took some doing, but by the end of June, he finally agreed to me marrying Mr. Persley. It was not something I wanted to do, but what I wanted and needed were two different things. If that don't beat all, I get pregnant the first time I have relations with my new husband. Victoria told me I must be some kind of special for me to be with child on the first go round. I knew miss Katherine was happy. She felt she was finally getting rid of me. She didn't know Master Thorne only agreed to the marriage as long as I would stay in the big house. That meant me and my husband and soon to be baby would be in Miss Katherine's presence at all times. Master Thorne was nice enough to fetch Jonathan from the field and make him his new carriage driver, and he taught Jonathan everything about steering a horse and carriage. I was almost delighted to see the rage on her face. But, since she didn't mean anything to me, I didn't delight in anything about her.
When spring arrived, I was just about ready to give birth. I was afraid, but I knew I was in good hands. Despite what I thought about Jonathan Persley, he was a good husband and good provider, thanks to Master Thorne. My husband was good to me. I knew he truly loved me, and my heart ached, as I thought about the day we would be leaving all of this behind. We don't know nothing about the outside world, and I haven't told Jonathan about us leaving yet. His family is here, and I know it will break his heart, but we don't have any other choice. We just can't stay here. I already made the deal with Victoria, and I can't back out now. Besides, with Miss Katherine around, this would be no place to raise a baby. Master would try to protect us, but I knew in the end she would win. I was not willing to play her game no longer. Jonathan would be fine. He's a man and knows how to survive.
I was sitting in a rocking chair, looking out of the window from our third floor bedroom, watching the birds, thinking how envious I was of them. I wanted to fly and be free like they were. I wanted to go wherever the wind would take me. I was in deep thought, when I felt a sharp pain and a gush of water hit the floor under me. What the....... Victoria had placed a small bell on my side table for when I need anything, since I was too heavy to be walking stairs. If there was ever a time I needed something, it was now. I panicked, when I didn't see it. My voice was caught in my throat, and I couldn't scream. I stopped and closed my eyes to gain my composure through the pain. When I open my eyes again, I turned to the window seal to see the bell sitting in front of me. I grabbed it, and shook it violently until I saw Victoria running in to check on me.
"Child, you know that bell is fo'........
"Victoria!" I screamed in agony.
She looked to see the water running down my legs to the puddle on the floor.
"We gotta get you to the bed, and get the towels and hot water and such,"
I barely heard a word she was saying. She was out the door as quick as she came in. Another sharp pain in my back caused me to scream violently. I thought I would die before Victoria came back in the room. I could hear someone coming up the stairs in a rush. It was Jonathan. "Oh, thank God." Is all I could manage to say through the pain. I felt light headed and faint. Just when I thought I was not going to survive the pain, Victoria rushed into the bedroom, her arms full of towels and sheets and such with Jonathan nervously trying to help. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for this to be over quickly.
"Now, Emma, you have to open them eyes of yours now." Emma? That was the first time I ever heard Victoria speak my name. "Open up them eyes girl." I obeyed, but when my eyes opened, so did my mouth. I released a scream that could have waken the dead. "I know, child, I know. Just hold on. Old Victoria gone get you fixed up here in a minute." Her voice was reassuring. She turned to Jonathan. "Pappa, I's gone need you to go to the kitchen and fetch the water heating on them bricks. Go now, as quick as you can. Go on now!" Jonathan did not want to leave me, but I nodded my head to assure him I was ok; although, I didn't believe it myself. While he was fetching the water, Victoria leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. "You been taking that medicine like I told you, child?"
"Y..y..yes, M..m..ma'am." I managed to say through the pain.
"Good girl. Now befo' this baby getchere, I need you to take the last of it. When you done with it, I's gone give you one more thing to take." Victoria reached into her apron and pulled out a little glass jar filled with a dark thick liquid. She opened my Chifforobe and reached into the drawer. She pushed aside the clothes that once belonged to my mother and she fetched the medicine I had been taking for the last six months.
"H..how did you know where I kept that?" She was wiping sweat from my face and only smiled.
"Old Victoria know what she need to know. You just try to stay quiet and allow yo body to relax much as possible." She gave me the last of the medicine and whatever was in the glass jar from her apron. The taste was horrible, but not as bad as the pain that came soon after. "Pappa, hurry up with that water now! Baby gone be here befo' you!" I could hear him rushing up the stairs, with Miss Katherine following close behind him. Jonathan placed the water on the floor where Victoria pointed. Miss Katherine stood in the door way motionless with a stone face, like a statue. Victoria leaned over to block my view of her. "You just don't pay that woman no neva mind. You just pay 'tention to having this youngen. You hear me?" I nodded yes. Jonathan was standing in the corner, ringing his hat in his hands, praying for my life and the life of our unborn baby. "Now listen to me, child. This baby is gone be something special. I heard yo papa telling Miss Katherine that yo birthday be tomorrow. This baby be the best present fo' you."
"Victoria, how long is this going to take?" I heard Miss Katherine spit out in a vicious tone.
"It takes long's it takes." Victoria snapped back. I was surprised at the way Victoria spoke to a white woman. Miss Katherine quickly turned on her heels and walked away.
"Victoria, y..you gone go g..get yoself in a heap of trouble t..t..talking to M..Miss Katherine like that."
"Miss Katherine don't scare me, child. She in my debt. It be best fo' her to member that. Now, I's gone need you to hold yo breath and push down from yo bottom part as hard as you can." I pushed and pushed for God knows how long. After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally holding my baby girl in my arms. She was crying and so was I. "Come on over here, Pappa." Victoria was reaching for Jonathan's hand. "You have yo self a baby girl. Jonathan came to my side and started to cry, when he saw that the baby and me was fine. I could see the happiness in his eyes. Our family was complete. He was overjoyed and so was I. But, the happiness didn't last long. As me and my husband was enjoying the first few moments of our baby's life, I began to feel very ill. Victoria noticed my skin becoming pale, and she turned to Jonathan. "Pappa, I need you to take the baby in the next room."
"Why? What's wrong?" he asked, looking dazed and confused.
"Just do as I say, now." Jonathan was reluctant to leave, but he knew Victoria was not joking. He kissed my forehead and told me he loved me and he left with the baby.
"What's wrong with me, Victoria?" I was beginning to get scared, and I was getting sicker by the minute.
"No worries, child. It's just the transition." She stated calmly, as she wiped the newly formed sweat beads from my forehead.
"Transition? What are you talking about? What's happening to me, Victoria?" I could feel the muscles in my body take on spasm after spasm. I couldn't stop it or control it. I was terrified and in so much pain. It felt as though my heart was being pulled outta my chest.
"Just let it happen, Emma. It'll all be over in a lil while."
There it is. She said my name again. I managed to speak through each spasm, "Victoria...that's the...second time....you....spoke my name. Neva I heard you speak my name.....befo' today."
"In order for the magic to work, I have to say your name three times, so the magic know who it's fo'." I didn't understand. The only thing I knew is that a few hours ago I thought I was dying. Now I know I am. As I took my last breaths, Victoria whispered in my ear, "See you tomorrow night, Emma."
"Child, you know that bell is fo'........
"Victoria!" I screamed in agony.
She looked to see the water running down my legs to the puddle on the floor.
"We gotta get you to the bed, and get the towels and hot water and such,"
I barely heard a word she was saying. She was out the door as quick as she came in. Another sharp pain in my back caused me to scream violently. I thought I would die before Victoria came back in the room. I could hear someone coming up the stairs in a rush. It was Jonathan. "Oh, thank God." Is all I could manage to say through the pain. I felt light headed and faint. Just when I thought I was not going to survive the pain, Victoria rushed into the bedroom, her arms full of towels and sheets and such with Jonathan nervously trying to help. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for this to be over quickly.
"Now, Emma, you have to open them eyes of yours now." Emma? That was the first time I ever heard Victoria speak my name. "Open up them eyes girl." I obeyed, but when my eyes opened, so did my mouth. I released a scream that could have waken the dead. "I know, child, I know. Just hold on. Old Victoria gone get you fixed up here in a minute." Her voice was reassuring. She turned to Jonathan. "Pappa, I's gone need you to go to the kitchen and fetch the water heating on them bricks. Go now, as quick as you can. Go on now!" Jonathan did not want to leave me, but I nodded my head to assure him I was ok; although, I didn't believe it myself. While he was fetching the water, Victoria leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. "You been taking that medicine like I told you, child?"
"Y..y..yes, M..m..ma'am." I managed to say through the pain.
"Good girl. Now befo' this baby getchere, I need you to take the last of it. When you done with it, I's gone give you one more thing to take." Victoria reached into her apron and pulled out a little glass jar filled with a dark thick liquid. She opened my Chifforobe and reached into the drawer. She pushed aside the clothes that once belonged to my mother and she fetched the medicine I had been taking for the last six months.
"H..how did you know where I kept that?" She was wiping sweat from my face and only smiled.
"Old Victoria know what she need to know. You just try to stay quiet and allow yo body to relax much as possible." She gave me the last of the medicine and whatever was in the glass jar from her apron. The taste was horrible, but not as bad as the pain that came soon after. "Pappa, hurry up with that water now! Baby gone be here befo' you!" I could hear him rushing up the stairs, with Miss Katherine following close behind him. Jonathan placed the water on the floor where Victoria pointed. Miss Katherine stood in the door way motionless with a stone face, like a statue. Victoria leaned over to block my view of her. "You just don't pay that woman no neva mind. You just pay 'tention to having this youngen. You hear me?" I nodded yes. Jonathan was standing in the corner, ringing his hat in his hands, praying for my life and the life of our unborn baby. "Now listen to me, child. This baby is gone be something special. I heard yo papa telling Miss Katherine that yo birthday be tomorrow. This baby be the best present fo' you."
"Victoria, how long is this going to take?" I heard Miss Katherine spit out in a vicious tone.
"It takes long's it takes." Victoria snapped back. I was surprised at the way Victoria spoke to a white woman. Miss Katherine quickly turned on her heels and walked away.
"Victoria, y..you gone go g..get yoself in a heap of trouble t..t..talking to M..Miss Katherine like that."
"Miss Katherine don't scare me, child. She in my debt. It be best fo' her to member that. Now, I's gone need you to hold yo breath and push down from yo bottom part as hard as you can." I pushed and pushed for God knows how long. After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally holding my baby girl in my arms. She was crying and so was I. "Come on over here, Pappa." Victoria was reaching for Jonathan's hand. "You have yo self a baby girl. Jonathan came to my side and started to cry, when he saw that the baby and me was fine. I could see the happiness in his eyes. Our family was complete. He was overjoyed and so was I. But, the happiness didn't last long. As me and my husband was enjoying the first few moments of our baby's life, I began to feel very ill. Victoria noticed my skin becoming pale, and she turned to Jonathan. "Pappa, I need you to take the baby in the next room."
"Why? What's wrong?" he asked, looking dazed and confused.
"Just do as I say, now." Jonathan was reluctant to leave, but he knew Victoria was not joking. He kissed my forehead and told me he loved me and he left with the baby.
"What's wrong with me, Victoria?" I was beginning to get scared, and I was getting sicker by the minute.
"No worries, child. It's just the transition." She stated calmly, as she wiped the newly formed sweat beads from my forehead.
"Transition? What are you talking about? What's happening to me, Victoria?" I could feel the muscles in my body take on spasm after spasm. I couldn't stop it or control it. I was terrified and in so much pain. It felt as though my heart was being pulled outta my chest.
"Just let it happen, Emma. It'll all be over in a lil while."
There it is. She said my name again. I managed to speak through each spasm, "Victoria...that's the...second time....you....spoke my name. Neva I heard you speak my name.....befo' today."
"In order for the magic to work, I have to say your name three times, so the magic know who it's fo'." I didn't understand. The only thing I knew is that a few hours ago I thought I was dying. Now I know I am. As I took my last breaths, Victoria whispered in my ear, "See you tomorrow night, Emma."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)