THE LIFE: CHAPTER FOUR

1770 :  EMMA & JONATHAN PERSLEY

                    My life was filled with shame. I never spoke a word to anyone about Master Thorne being my father. I barely spoke a word to anyone about anything. It was too much too bare; too much to take in. How could my mother lie to me? WHY did she lie to me? I wanted to scream and yell at someone, anyone, but no one was there. I was alone; no family, no friends, no hope. I continued to go about my daily chores and kept my head down. One day, as I was busy in the kitchen preparing the evening meal,  Elder Victoria walked in. She was always around eaves dropping and doing God knows what else. I didn't trust her for nothing. I never said anything to her. I just kept to myself, so imagine my surprise, when she spoke to me on this day.

"I can help, you know." She was staring at me as if she could see through my very soul. Her presence made me uneasy and more fearful. The longer I stared at her,  I could see the evil she was made of.

"How do you mean?" I managed to allow a frighten whisper to escape.  "I ain't in needa no help." I went about stirring the pot of red cabbage, pretending not to pay any attention to her standing behind me.

She laughed.  "Child, I knows alls 'bout you being Massa bastard. I knowed it fo' you was even born."

I turned to look at her with hate and contempt.  "Them be lies you telling." My fear was melting as my blood began to boil.

"Child, it ain't no secret to me. Yo mamma was pure bred Indian. Beautiful, long, straight hair, skin like butta, smooth just as well. Yo mamma was a beautiful sight to look on, and old Massa was always looking."  She began to walk towards me, making sure to keep eye contact.   "Old Benjamin knowed it too. I know yo mamma told you that Ben was yo daddy, but dat was a lie."

"Don't you be speaking ill of my mamma."  I was angry, and this made Victoria laugh, showing all of the rotting, yellow, brown, and black teeth in her head. She looked like death warmed over. I watched her, as she watched me, waiting for my reaction.  Her large body frame stood in front of me, casting a shadow of the demon that lived inside of her soul.

"Don't fret, little girl. Yo mamma and Ben was always good to me. We was all friendly that way; this is how I knowed the secret she was keeping from you."  She walked closer to me.  "I remember the day you was born. Yo mamma was so happy. But, soon as you came out yo mamma's belly, Ben knowed he wun't yo daddy."

"You telling lies. Mamma told me my daddy was killed by Master Thorne not long after I was born."  I was seething. I was angry. I was ready to knock out all of her colorful teeth.

"Oh child, just another lie to cover up other lies. Ben wun't kilt by Massa. He was kilt by kin."

"Kin?"

She began walking toward me, narrowing her eyes, tilting her head, getting a closer look at me.  "Yo mamma kilt Ben, suga." She was standing closely in front of me now, watching my reaction, casting an evil shadow around my thoughts.

I moved away from her as quickly as I could.  "No! You telling lies! My mamma would never do nothing you speak of! My mamma loved my daddy!" I was shouting, and I could no longer control the tears flowing down my cheeks.

"You right, child. She did love yo daddy cause yo daddy is Massa Thorne. Yo mamma loved Massa James. She married yo daddy cause she didn't want to turn out being no old maid. And, ole Massa loved yo mamma too. But, yo mamma knowed Massa would neva take on a slave to be his wife. This why she took Ben on to wed."

"But, why would she kill him?  What he done so awful to deserve what you say my mamma done to him?"

"Child, yo mamma kilt Ben cause he was gone kill Massa. Old Ben was fired up cause he knowed Massa was having his way wit yo mamma. What old Ben not knowed is that yo mamma neva mind, when Massa fetched fo' her. No, yo mamma wouldn't let Ben kill the man she truly loved. She couldn't let him kill yo daddy and mess up any chance you had at a mo' betta life."

"Better life? What better life?" I snapped.  "How is my life better? I'm still the property of this here plantation. I still be a slave. Miss Katherine neva let me forget that!"

"But you ain't working out in that hot field like the rest of them others. You ain't being tooken advantage of by them other devilish white men that come round here looking for one of us to abuse."

"You ain't either." I snapped back.

Victoria stepped back a little."Oh, suga, you don't know how things work around here."

"I'm sixteen. Ain't much to know." I walked to the stove to poke the wood and maintain control of the fire. Old Victoria was right behind me.

"Oh, but it is much to know. See, house niggas be chose for a reason. We got something that Massa or Massa wife need."

"I don't have nothing nobody want or need. How does that make me special than any of the rest? I don't possess anything they would want."

Victoria gave a hearty laugh again.  "Oh, I see them reading lessons be working fo' you."  She had an eerie presence about her. Everything about her was wrong.   "You...how you said....possess everythang cause you Massa bastard child. Massa loved yo mamma, and he knowed when she got the sickness, she be not long for this world. He did all he could to hope her well. He had the best physicians he knowed to come see bout her, but nothing came of it. When Massa knowed she be dead soon, he moved you and yo mamma in this here house. He needed to be close to you and to yo mamma. Dis why you here."

"But, Mamma is dead. Why he wanna keep me around?" I was more curious now than angry.

" Cause you be his blood. His kin. Massa got a huge heart fo' all of us on this here plantation, but you he love. Miss Katherine know all this. She knowed you be special to him. She neva wanted you in this house. But, as luck would have it, here you is."

"And, what about you?"

"What about me?" Victoria asked, knowing full well what I meant.

"Why you here?"

"Cause I got something Miss Katherine need."

"And what that be?"

"Magic."

"Magic? You seem to be making a fool outta me, Victoria."

"No, suga. I don't lie about magic. I don't lie about nothing."

"Ain't no such thing as magic."  I contended. I walked over to the stove once more to check the red cabbage and to prepare the cornbread.

"Oh, but it is real. It be called black magic, suga. This been passed down in my family from generation to generation. Miss Katherine knowed this, that be why she fetched fo' me."

I turned to face her again.  "If you be telling the truth, why Miss Katherine need some....what you call....black magic? She got all she could ever want. What mo' she asking fo'?"

"A sucka."

"Magic don't make babies. Men and women do. I ain't that young. I know where babies come from."

"You right. But, you see, Massa ain't got no mo baby making days. He got hurt, when he fall off his horse, and the doc told him he won't neva have no chullins. This was the Spring you was born.When Miss Katherine told Massa she be with child, he knowed he be not the pappy. But, he knowed she ain't be with no body else. Massa put all the pieces together, and he knowed that Miss Katherine done something against all his beliefs. He just not knowed it be me who done it fo' her. If he knowed that, he would have string me up in that old oak tree you like to sit under, and he will stand there and watch me take my last breath."

"What make you think Miss Katherine won't say nothing."

"She can't, suga."

"Why not?"

"Cause all magic comes with a price."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just hope you neva find out." Victoria left me standing in the kitchen. She danced her way into the parlor, as she hummed a tune I was not familiar with. I followed her, when she went out of the front doors and into the garden. I was on her heels like a baby still being weened from its mamma tit.

"Tell me what you mean, when you say you can help me."  Victoria was dancing around the flower, watering them, humming, as if she did not hear me.  "Victoria, please. How can you help me?"  She stopped what she was doing and stared at me for a while. She then went back to watering the flowers.  "Victoria, please!"  I begged.

"Oh, suga, you know how I can help you. You just have to ask for  my help."  The look on her face was more serious now, and I could almost see the demon having its way with her. But, I was desperate. I needed help from someone, and Victoria was the only one offering.

I swallowed my fear and my pride,  "Please help me, Victoria. Please."

"Tell me what you need."  She was walking closer to me, sizing me up, trying to see if my need was as real as I thought it was.

"I need to get outta here. I can't be here no more."

She laughed.  "Child, where you think I can send you? To the moon? I ain't got them kinda powers."  She continued to laugh.

"What can you do for me?"

"Let's see."  She began watering the flowers again, taking her time, as she seem to see fit.  "I may not be able to send you to the moon, but I can help you escape the life you have now."

"But, I can't pay you. I ain't got no money."

"Oh, suga, Victoria don't do her work fo' no money."

"Then what you want?"

She walked closer to me, casting the evil shadow over me again and whispered,  "Just yo word that after you gone, you stay gone."  Her words were firm, and the look in her eyes told me she was serious.

"How do that help you?" I asked, sounding as confused as I looked, no doubt.

"Neva mind how that help me. This is the deal. Take it or leave it."

I would never come back here anyway. For what? This place ain't nothing special. It's down right cursed.  "Fine."  I relented.  "I'll take it."

"Child, you sho' gone break Massa heart."  She said with a sad look on her face, while shaking her head.

"Then he should know how it feels."  I was without emotion. Without any real feelings in my heart for the man who called himself my daddy.  "When can you help me?"

"Oh, not for some time, child."  Victoria waved me off and walked passed me back toward the house as if she was saying 'shoo fly, don't bother me'.

"What you mean? How long I gotta wait?" I was following her and becoming impatient. 

"Calm down, suga. You just sixteen years old. You ain't even had yo first sucka yet."  She opened the door and walked into the parlor to place fresh flowers in the vases on top the fireplace mantle and the sofa tables. I continued to follow her.

"My first sucka? I ain't got no husband. How you suppose me to have a baby?"

"In time, suga."  She finished placing flowers and walked toward the kitchen to help me with supper.

"Victoria, I don't know what you want me to do."

"You let old Victoria worry bout that now. I know a man who been sweet on you fo' some time now."

"Someone sweet on me? Victoria, I got no inkling of what you speak of."  I walked over to the shelf to retrieve the dinner plates and headed toward the dining room to set the table.

"Mr. Jonathan Persley been trying to call on you, but old Massa won't hear tell of it."

"Jonathan Persley? Short, stubby knuckles Jonathan Persley?"

"One and the same."

Oh, hell no! I am not marrying that man!"

Victoria let out another one of her hearty laughs. This time she held on to her fat belly as it shook uncontrollably.  "Child, don't seem like you got much of a choice. If you want the deal, this is it. Take it or leave it."  She continued to help me set the table, still laughing. 

"I don't see how this gone happen, if Master Thorne refuse to let Mr. Persley call on me."  I was hoping to gain access to the outside world a different way. Maybe sneaking out in the carriage on one of the rides to town.

"You just let old Victoria worry about that, you hear.."

"Magic?"

"Oh no, suga. Victoria got mo tricks up her sleeves. Sides, magic don't work on the ones that don't believe in it. I gotta use my wits with Massa."

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                    As spring turned into summer, I became impatient and on edge. Victoria kept her word and worked her charm on Master Throne. It took some doing, but by the end of June, he finally agreed to me marrying Mr. Persley. It was not something I wanted to do, but what I wanted and needed were two different things. If that don't beat all, I get pregnant the first time I have relations with my new husband. Victoria told me I must be some kind of special for me to be with child on the first go round.  I knew miss Katherine was happy. She felt she was finally getting rid of me.  She didn't know Master Thorne only agreed to the marriage as long as I would stay in the big house. That meant me and my husband and soon to be baby would be in Miss Katherine's presence at all times. Master Thorne was nice enough to fetch Jonathan from the field and make him his new carriage driver, and he taught Jonathan everything about steering a horse and carriage. I was almost delighted to see the rage on her face. But, since she didn't mean anything to me, I didn't delight in anything about her.

                    When spring arrived, I was just about ready to give birth. I was afraid, but I knew I was in good hands. Despite what I thought about Jonathan Persley, he was a good husband and good provider, thanks to Master Thorne. My husband was good to me. I knew he truly loved me, and my  heart ached, as I thought about the day we would be leaving all of this behind. We don't know nothing about the outside world, and I haven't told Jonathan about us leaving yet.  His family is here, and I know it will break his heart, but we don't have any other choice. We just can't stay here. I already made the deal with Victoria, and I can't back out now. Besides, with Miss Katherine around, this would be no place to raise a baby. Master would try to protect us, but I knew in the end she would win. I was not willing to play her game no longer. Jonathan would be fine. He's a man and knows how to survive.

                    I was sitting in a rocking chair, looking out of the window from our third floor bedroom, watching the birds, thinking how envious I was of them. I wanted to fly and be free like they were. I wanted to go wherever the wind would take me. I was in deep thought, when I felt a sharp pain and a gush of water hit the floor under me. What the.......  Victoria had placed a small bell on my side table for when I need anything, since I was too heavy to be walking stairs. If there was ever a time I needed something, it was now.  I panicked, when I didn't see it. My voice was caught in my throat, and I couldn't scream. I stopped and closed my eyes to gain my composure through the pain. When I open my eyes again, I turned to the window seal to see the bell sitting in front of me. I grabbed it, and shook it violently until I saw Victoria running in to check on me.

"Child, you know that bell is fo'........

"Victoria!" I screamed in agony.

She looked to see the water running down my legs to the puddle on the floor.

"We gotta get you to the bed, and get the towels and hot water and such,"

I barely heard a word she was saying. She was out the door as quick as she came in. Another sharp pain in my back caused me to scream violently. I thought I would die before Victoria came back in the room. I could hear someone coming up the stairs in a rush. It was Jonathan.  "Oh, thank God." Is all I could manage to say through the pain. I felt light headed and faint. Just when I thought I was not going to survive the pain, Victoria rushed into the bedroom, her arms full of towels and sheets and such with Jonathan nervously trying to help. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for this to be over quickly.

"Now, Emma, you have to open them eyes of yours now."   Emma? That was the first time I ever heard Victoria speak my name.   "Open up them eyes girl." I obeyed, but when my eyes opened, so did my mouth. I released a scream that could have waken the dead.  "I know, child, I know. Just hold on. Old Victoria gone get you fixed up here in a minute."  Her voice was reassuring. She turned to Jonathan.  "Pappa, I's gone need you to go to the kitchen and fetch the water heating on them bricks. Go now, as quick as you can. Go on now!"  Jonathan did not want to leave me, but I nodded my head to assure him I was ok; although, I didn't believe it myself. While he was fetching the water, Victoria leaned over to me and whispered in my ear.  "You been taking that medicine like I told you, child?"

"Y..y..yes, M..m..ma'am."  I managed to say through the pain.

"Good girl. Now befo' this baby getchere, I need you  to take the last of it. When you done with it, I's gone give you one more thing to take."  Victoria reached into her apron and pulled out a little glass jar filled with a dark thick liquid. She opened my Chifforobe and reached into the drawer. She pushed aside the clothes that once belonged to my mother and she fetched the medicine I had been taking for the last six months.

"H..how did you know where I kept that?" She was wiping sweat from my face and only smiled.

"Old Victoria know what she need to know. You just try to stay quiet and allow yo body to relax much as possible."  She gave me the last of the medicine and whatever was in the glass jar from her apron. The taste was horrible, but not as bad as the pain that came soon after.  "Pappa, hurry up with that water now! Baby gone be here befo' you!" I could hear him rushing up the stairs, with Miss Katherine following close behind him. Jonathan placed the water on the floor where Victoria pointed. Miss Katherine stood in the door way motionless with a stone face, like a statue. Victoria leaned over to block my view of her.  "You just don't pay that woman no neva mind. You just pay 'tention to having this youngen. You hear me?"  I nodded yes. Jonathan was standing in the corner, ringing his hat in his hands, praying for my life and the life of our unborn baby. "Now listen to me, child. This baby is gone be something special. I heard yo papa telling Miss Katherine that yo birthday be tomorrow. This baby be the best present fo' you."

"Victoria, how long is this going to take?"  I heard Miss Katherine spit out in a vicious tone.

"It takes long's it takes."  Victoria snapped back. I was surprised at the way Victoria spoke to a white woman. Miss Katherine quickly turned on her heels and walked away.

"Victoria, y..you gone go g..get yoself in a heap of trouble t..t..talking to M..Miss Katherine like that."

"Miss Katherine don't scare me, child. She in my debt. It be best fo' her to member that. Now, I's gone need you to hold yo breath and push down from yo bottom part as hard as you can."  I pushed and pushed for God knows how long. After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally holding my baby girl in my arms. She was crying and so was I.  "Come on over here, Pappa." Victoria was reaching for Jonathan's hand.  "You have yo self a baby girl.  Jonathan came to my side and started to cry, when he saw that the baby and me was fine. I could see the happiness in his eyes. Our family was complete. He was overjoyed and so was I. But, the happiness didn't last long. As me and my husband was enjoying the first few moments of our baby's life, I began to feel very ill. Victoria noticed my skin becoming pale, and she turned to Jonathan.  "Pappa, I need you to take the baby in the next room."

"Why? What's wrong?"  he asked, looking dazed and confused.

"Just do as I say, now."  Jonathan was reluctant to leave, but he knew Victoria was not joking. He kissed my forehead and told me he loved me and he left with the baby.

"What's wrong with me, Victoria?"  I was beginning to get scared, and I was getting sicker by the minute.

"No worries, child. It's just the transition."  She stated calmly, as she wiped the newly formed sweat beads from my forehead.

"Transition? What are you talking about? What's happening to me, Victoria?" I could feel the muscles in my body take on spasm after spasm. I couldn't stop it or control it. I was terrified and in so much pain. It felt as though my heart was being pulled outta my chest.

"Just let it happen, Emma. It'll all be over in a lil while."

There it is. She said my name again. I managed to speak through each spasm,  "Victoria...that's the...second time....you....spoke my name. Neva I heard you speak my name.....befo' today."

"In order for the magic to work, I have to say your name three times, so the magic know who it's fo'."  I didn't understand. The only thing I knew is that a few hours ago I thought I was dying. Now I know I am. As I took my last breaths, Victoria whispered in my ear,  "See you tomorrow night, Emma."